The Hitman's Bodyguard - 2/5

This movie is a stale action escort quest with nothing interesting to offer. Reynolds is the only one playing against type, this time taking the brunt of the jokes he’s usually dishing out. The humor is all acerbic, irreverent mocking which quickly becomes tiresome, though if that’s your brand of humor you will like this movie more than I did. The action is standard low-grade fare, offering fun at the expense of believability.

Closest comparison: It’s like A Good Day to Die Hard by way of Mission: Impossible II.

Setting: Action
Plot: Road Trip
Tone: Comedy

Hard Eight - 3/5

This movie is a gambler drama, more focused on the family-style dynamics and hotel room banter than the actual gambling. It uses the sleazy underbelly of the casino nightlife as the backdrop for its plot, but for the most part eschews it onscreen. John C. Reilly and Philip Baker Hall absolutely carry the film, with Gwyneth Paltrow and Sam Jackson giving solid performances as well. Dialogue and character study are the main draws here, and the story wraps up in a nice, solid ending.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Gambler by way of Punch Drunk Love.

Setting: Casino Drama
Plot: Crime Drama
Tone: Family Drama

Jurassic Park (1993) - 5/5

What is there to say about Jurassic Park? It’s a timeless classic. Almost all of the special effects are practical and flawless, and the few CGI shots hold up surprisingly well. The tone impeccably rides the line between pop horror and family adventure with aplomb. The plot, dialog, delivery, and cinematography are each so masterfully crafted that almost every scene is culturally iconic.

Closest comparison: It’s like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory by way of The Lost World (1960).

Setting: Exploration
Plot: Horror
Tone: Adventure

Sphere - 2/5

This movie is a strange, confusing attempt at multiple genres, below average for Michael Crichton. It’s a film about scientists where the main interpersonal conflict boils down to “he said she said” drama, that all doesn’t end up mattering in the end. A recurring theme is characters getting into a deadly situation and shouting “Help me! Do something!” over and over while everyone else sits around not doing anything. Bizarrely enough, this happens just as often the other way around, and the characters detach the audience from the narrative in a very damaging way. Although it has an interesting sci-fi concept it overstays its welcome and fails to flush out its runtime with an interesting, and by the end even a workable, plot.

Closest comparison: It’s like a worse version of Underwater by way of a much tamer Event Horizon.

Setting: Deep Sea Adventure
Plot: Sci-Fi Thriller
Tone: Disaster

Die Hard with a Vengeance - 4/5

This movie is a return to form, almost as enjoyable as the first one for the same reasons, without feeling trite and formulaic. The villain is back to being an criminal mastermind and the hero is relegated back to underdog status, the dynamic that sets the franchise apart in the action genre. The side characters are back to being likable and interesting, making for a fun action romp with just enough mystery to keep it interesting. It redeems the franchise from its predecessor and ends the original trilogy in high form.

Closest comparison: It’s like a cross between The Last Boyscout and Inside Man.

Setting: Buddy Cop
Plot: Thriller
Tone: Action

National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1 - 4/5

This movie is a self-aware all-out parody that loves its over-the-top silliness and doesn’t hold back. The comedic timing, though somewhat subjective, is on point here and Emilio Estevez is in top form as the self-serious straight man along with Samuel L. Jackson being himself. The references to other films of the era are direct and overt, but the gags are broad enough to still be funny out of context. The gratuitous nudity scene typical of National Lampoon is not present in this movie, and the bedroom humor is all direct scene parody of its contemporary films. There’s a lot to like here and its short runtime doesn’t overstay its welcome.

Closest comparison: It’s like Lethal Weapon by way of Police Squad.

Setting: Buddy Cop
Plot: Buddy Cop
Tone: Screwball Comedy

Snakes on a Plane - 3/5

Some movies are so bad they’re funny, but this one is in on the joke. It never misses an opportunity to play off of a colorful character or set up an obvious jump scare, but it is careful not to overstay its welcome. It has dodgy CGI but generally covers it up with judicious use of light and shadow. The snakebites are surprisingly brutal for how minor they could have been and the plot is a by-the-numbers witness protection airplane disaster movie, acting only as a backdrop for the fun of the movie to play out against. The heart of the film lies in its comedy value, and that it delivers in spades (especially if you’ve had a drink).

Content warning: female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like Sharknado by way of Airplane! (1980).

Setting: Action Thriller
Plot: Witness Protection
Tone: Comedy Action

Spider-Man: Far from Home - 3/5

Sure, there’s fun action and it’s great to see Mysterio on the big screen. Unfortunately, the editing is so choppy that the scenes feel like they’re jumping around. There’s not really anything new in the plot, but instead it’s just another Spider-Man story. I don’t know how they made such interesting content as boring as they did, but somehow they managed it. It’s not that it’s bad, it’s just not up to the Marvel standard.

Closest comparison: It’s somewhere between Thor (2011) and The Incredible Hulk (2008).

Setting: Road Trip
Plot: Superhero
Tone: Standard Action

Avengers: Age of Ultron - 4/5

This movie is fantastic, but introduces too many metaphors to pay off by the end. Director Joss Whedon stated in an interview that he challenged himself to make it shorter than The Avengers (2012), and it shows. This movie tries to do more in less time, and although it does an incredible job with what it has, an extra 10-20 minutes could have made this a 5/5. That being said the action is dazzling, the concept is solid, and they even managed to squeeze in three new characters that went on to appear in other MCU movies. With so much crammed into one movie, it definitely improves with multiple viewings.

Closest comparison: It’s the troubled middle child of the Avengers franchise.

Setting: Super hero
Plot: Super hero
Tone: Super hero

The Avengers (2012) - 5/5

This movie does Character better than almost any other. Joss Whedon accomplished the almost insurmountable task of combining the six main characters and several side characters in a way that lets each of them shine unimpeded by the others. The brilliance of the one-on-one confrontations each main character gets with the villain that highlight the unique strengths they bring to the team cannot be overstated. It also contains one of the most dynamic and multi-faceted arguments ever put to film. It combined three existing character-based film franchises, reinvented a fourth, and added in two main characters to boot. And it did it so well that it became the gold standard by which all action films and all team-up films are measured.

Closest comparison: It’s the super hero team up movie that started them all

Setting: Super hero
Plot: War Spy
Tone: Action Adventure

Iron Man 2 - 3/5

This movie does social sparring very well. Most of the time when characters are talking they are continually vying for social dominance, thrusting and parrying not so much with words as with emotions. Mickey Rourke is fantastic as Whiplash, and while his fight scenes are spectacular they always end in more of a fizzle than a crescendo. The biggest flaw with this movie is giving Tony Stark little to do except aimlessly act out, though Robert Downey Jr.’s portrayal is pitch perfect as always. Sam Rockwell also captures all of the subtlety of being an off-brand Tony Stark, but in true reflection his character also has little to do, aimlessly wandering around the plot like a lost, sassy child.

Closest comparison: It’s the gentle sequel to Iron Man (2008)

Setting: Super hero
Plot: Super hero
Tone: Action

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) - 4/5

I love this movie for its underlying message of being a good person, and the way it cements the character of Steve Rogers so firmly that he remains unchanged for the next 6 films. At least three different actors all deliver scene-stealing performances, and the use of special effects here is kept well in hand. Some of the directing and editing could have been better and as a result some aspects that could have pushed this movie over the edge to a 5/5 were lacking, like the fact that Red Skull doesn’t really get an iconic pose/image/shot or the needless complication of the ‘Kissing the Secretary’ scene. Nevertheless, this remains a very strong entry into the litany of Marvel movies.

Closest comparison: It’s like Letters from Iwo Jima by way of The Rocketeer.

Setting: War
Plot: Super hero
Tone: Adventure

Captain Marvel - 2/5

There’s not a lot to redeem this movie. It seems to confuse ‘mean’ with ‘funny’, and does so repeatedly. The main character is unlikable and arrogant, which is a bad combination. Ben Mendelsohn steals the show, which is how badly the writers portrayed Sam Jackson’s character. The action scenes are dimly lit and shake around like the camera man is afraid he’ll miss something; that combined with choppy editing makes them a jumbled mess. The skrull make-up is phenomenal, though, and the plot turn is actually not half bad. The tone was very different from other Marvel movies and felt much more like J.J. Abrams’ Start Trek movies, so if you like those movies you’re in luck.

Closest Comparison: They tried to make Wonder Woman, but made Green Lantern instead.

Setting: Sci-fi
Plot: Action
Tone: A messy mess of Superhero, Action, and Comedy

Click here for ThinkySushi’s in-depth analysis

Glass - 4/5

This movie is a direct sequel to director M. Night Shayamalan’s previous movie, Split, and continues the plot and the tone from that film. In his signature style it’s slow and expects its audience to be observant, although the ending is more of a surprise and less of a twist than many of his previous films. It keeps you guessing and doubting yourself the whole time, constantly trying to stay one step ahead of the film and knowing you’re not. Classic Shayamalan.

Closest Comparison: It’s in the vein of Split or Unbreakable.

Setting: Modern
Plot: Heist/Escape
Tone: Thriller

Incredibles 2 - 3/5

First the good, then the bad. The action is a lot of fun, the overall color palate and many of the costumes and gadgets are spot on. The fight scenes are creative again, and one in particular is particularly stunning. Unfortunately, this movie is clumsily trying to say about 6 different things and not saying any of them well. The feminists got to the script, apparently, so the most consistent message is that women are good at everything and men have a hard enough time doing relatively simple asks. Even that message is muddled, though not enough to subvert it, and it ends up not really saying anything, though it's clearly trying to. The visuals are mostly good, but the costumes on the other superheroes are bizarre and many are downright ugly. I wanted this to be better, at least a 4/5, but it's not quite there.

The Hateful Eight - 2/5

Quentin Tarantino has always had an eye for cinematography and an ear for catchy dialogue, and this movie is no exception. From the title alone it should come as no surprise that none of the characters are particularly likeable (except for Tim Roth's Oswaldo Mobray who, while a villain, was enjoyable to watch). This movie goes straight for the shock value in a few places, as Tarantino does, but the payoff here is less of a twist and more of a "Yeah, I guess that makes the most sense" climax. I only recommend this if you're a die hard fan of his other movies.

Kong: Skull Island - 3/5

It was a pretty fun action movie, but quite a few of the motivations didn't make a lot of sense and if you know a decent amount about guns then there are several plot type things that may bug you. Several of the scenarios seem motivated only by trying to set up gratuitous cinematography, but the result is gorgeous. If you want a beautiful movie with giant monsters fighting each other and tiny people getting sqashed, you could do a whole lot worse than this.

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children - 3/5

Don't get me wrong, it's good-ish, and if you like this sort of thing then definitely go see it. But it's less Tim Burton-y and more Horror than I was expecting. Also, it goes a bit wonky when they get to the carnival. It's a shame, too, because it starts off as a 5/5, then slowly declines to somewhere around a 2/5. The concept and some aspects of the execution are better than the overall execution.