movies

Cujo - 1/5

This movie is so simple it’s uninteresting. Much of the ‘horror’ could have been avoided if the characters had possessed a basic level of competency. It’s not so much tense as it is infuriating to see multiple obvious ways every scenario could be avoided, which undercuts the entire point of the movie.

Closest comparison: It’s like Crawl by way of Phone Booth, both of which are much better than this.

Setting: Rural Drama
Plot: Creature Thriller
Tone: Rural Horror

Smokin' Aces - 2/5

Great style, but too gratuitous violence and nudity.

Content warning: female nudity, language

Closest comparison: It’s like Free Fire by way of 6 Underground.

Setting: Action
Plot: Action
Tone: Action

F9: The Fast Saga - 2/5

This movie is a tired retread of worn-out over-the-top melodrama. The action scenes are mindless fun, but the story is sub-par, even compared to other entries in the series. Surprisingly, driving a car to space is not the most unrealistic thing that happens in this movie, and the script goes out of its way to justify the logistics of it to the audience. What was more distracting to the story was the comic relief character’s meta commentary through-line about how none of the main characters in this franchise ever seem to get seriously injured.

Closest comparison: It’s the Fast and the Furious where they drive a car to space.

Setting: Action
Plot: Action
Tone: Action

Starship Troopers - 2/5

This is one of those rare movies that is great, but not good. Much of the visuals hold up surprisingly well due to competent direction from Paul Verhoeven. The sets, costuming, and casting are all B-Grade, almost TV Soap level clean low-budget, but the action setpieces largely make up for it. The director is on record stating the film is a satire, but apart from the newsreel inserts this movie simply makes a good case for the war against the bugs and forgets to rebut it.

Content warning: Gore, nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like Dune by way of Blade: House of Chthon.

Setting: Sci-Fi
Plot: War
Tone: Action

See No Evil, Hear No Evil - 3/5

This movie is a great concept and very funny for the most part, but has some serious missteps in the second act when one of the protagonists sexually molests the female antagonist. Other than that the movie is great.

Content warning: female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like Lethal Weapon by way of Blazing Saddles.

Setting: On The Run
Plot: Buddy Cop
Tone: Comedy

Lady Ballers - 2/5

This movie is an irreverent comedy that tries to keep one foot in clean family fare and the other in raunchy adult comedy territory, with rocky results. The jokes land intermittently, knocking one joke out of the park just to let the next one fall completely flat. Most (but not all) of the best jokes are in the trailer, and several times a character will flat-out say the implied joke, ruining it. The trans jokes are a non-factor, mileage will vary based on your personal political affiliation. But the scene with girls in bikinis and the one in the aftermath of a bondage session seem to be at odds with the value system of the film’s primary audience.

Closest comparison: It’s like a cross between a Hallmark movie and The Hangover.

Setting: Sports Comedy
Plot: Gettin’ The Band Back Together
Tone: Raunchy Comedy

Nightcrawler - 4/5

This movie is a tense, slow burn thriller about a sort of decent into madness, though not nearly as precipitously as many of its peers. Its drama is nuanced and visceral, as is its social commentary which avoids sweeping clichés in favor of astute observations about the human condition. But because the story surrounds such an extreme personality the film avoids being preachy or overbearing in its messaging, settling into a niche that’s simultaneously ‘fascination of other’ and ‘familiar relatability’.

Closest comparison: It’s like Network by way of Joker (2019).

Setting: Corporate Drama
Plot: Descent into Madness
Tone: Suspense Thriller

Three Kings (1999) - 1/5

This movie purports to be an action comedy, but every joke is just something sad that the audience is expected to laugh at. The action is passably mediocre, and the narrative twists and turns are boring.

Closest comparison: It’s like Tears of the Sun by way of Four Brothers.

Setting: War
Plot: Tragedy
Tone: Drama

The Gift (2000) - 1/5

This movie is overwrought and derivative. It uses small town depravity for cheap shock value and draws out its personal drama into melodrama. Despite its appearance, there’s no mystery for the audience to solve, as all relevant information is revealed at the end. No justice is served for any of the crimes in the film, except assumedly for the central case which takes up surprisingly little of the runtime.

Content warning: female nudity, domestic abuse, child sexual abuse

Closest comparison: It’s like Blue Steel by way of Dolores Claiborne.

Setting: Small Town Horror
Plot: Psychic Mystery
Tone: Tragedy

Double Indemnity - 4/5

This movie is a classic noir for good reason. It’s a straightforward plot with the real draw being the outstanding acting and dialogue.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Postman Always Rings Twice by way of Sunset Blvd.

Setting: Noir
Plot: Noir
Tone: Noir

Primal Fear - 1/5

This movie is a solid courtroom drama wrapped around a sordid child sex case. The ending doesn’t do justice to the subject matter, and the court proceedings aren’t gripping enough to overlook it. And knowing where the narrative is headed takes the tension out of the preceding scenes.

Content warning: language, female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like American Beauty by way of A Few Good Men.

Setting: Courtroom Drama
Plot: Detective
Tone: Sordid Drama

Dragged Across Concrete - 4/5

This movie is not quite as brutal as S. Craig Zahler’s other films, but only because it’s an extremely high bar. There is more of a sense in this one of an unpredictable plot that takes many riveting twists and turns before reaching its surprising conclusion. It’s a taut thriller with palpable characters that pull on the audience’s heart strings and make for a tense, melancholy climax.

Content warning: female nudity, gore

Closest comparison: It’s like The Town by way of Brawl in Cell Block 99

Setting: Buddy Cop
Plot: Buddy Cop
Tone: Crime Thriller

21 Jump Street (2012) - 3/5

This movie is an effective comedy with good laughs and a solid plot. It has fun with the jock-dork stereotypes and subversion of their dynamics that is endearing instead of sardonic. I can’t speak to how well it adapts the source material; it stands well on its own, though I don’t think it has the staying power to be considered great.

Closest comparison: It’s like Donnie Brasco by way of Superbad.

Setting: High School Comedy
Plot: Detective
Tone: Buddy Cop

Escape from L.A. - 3/5

This movie is more of a comedy that its predecessor, though it still has plenty of fun action as well. It’s a bit of a cash grab, trying to recreate the success of the first one with no better ideas than “what if it were in a different city?” But Kurt Russell and John Carpenter are so good at their jobs that the end result is engaging and enjoyable right to the end.

Closest comparison: It’s like Escape from New York by way of Die Another Day.

Setting: Action
Plot: Suicide Mission
Tone: Action

The Stranger (1946) - 3/5

This movie is riding the coattails of the more famous members of its cast, namely Orson Welles and Edward G Robinson. While it’s always fun to see the sleuth try to corner his elusive prey, everyone is turning in fine but uninspired performances. It’s a good addition for the watchlist of anyone who enjoys a good noir, and you’ll have a good, if relatively unmemorable, time.

Closest comparison: It’s like Night of the Hunter by way of The Man Who Knew Too Much.

Setting: Drama
Plot: Thriller
Tone: Thriller

The Testament of Dr. Mabuse (1933) - 4/5

This is a tense detective movie that holds up very well, an astonishing accomplishment but par for the course with Fritz Lang. The mystery is mystifying, short on clues and long on adventure, and the solution is surprising, though something in the vein of Alfred Hitchcock Presents would have been better. The twists and turns of the plot are equally clever and riveting.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Batman (2022) by way of M.

Setting: Crime
Plot: Detective
Tone: Thriller

State and Main - 3/5

This movie is the standard David Mamet formula in a fun, small-town comedy. It’s sufficiently interesting and fairly funny, but best of all it doesn’t overstay its welcome.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Holiday by way of The Spanish Prisoner.

Setting: Small Town Drama
Plot: Comedy of Errors
Tone: Slow-burn Comedy

A Streetcar Named Desire - 2/5

This is a confused movie, with each of the characters being either detestable or impotent, and often both. It’s meandering and vague, which makes its pointless ending an insult to the audience’s time and intelligence. The film tries to convey solidarity through compassion for the main character, but only succeeds in eliciting scornful pity as her villainy is revealed through the film. The only redeeming feature of this story is its tragically poetic dialogue, which is beautiful but falls flat without a meaningful story to tell.

Closest comparison: It’s like Gone With the Wind by way of Sunset Boulevard.

Setting: Drama
Plot: Tragedy
Tone: Tragedy

East of Eden (1955) - 1/5

This film is a pointless look at a troubled young man with a fatalistic woe-is-me attitude. As far as the narrative is concerned there’s no real reason for his disaffected ennui but he mopes about for the duration, before coming to a conclusion without a resolution. Nothing about this movie stands out as worth watching on its own, and the story does not justify its own existence.

Closest comparison: It’s like The 400 Blows by way of Rebel Without a Cause.

Setting: Family Drama
Plot: Self-pity
Tone: Dour Drama

The Pale Blue Eye - 3/5

This movie initially promises to provide a break from the dour mystery genre with a bit of a more lighthearted tone than its peers, but a few scenes make up for the rest of the film. Including Edgar Allen Poe as a main character is an interesting choice, and capitalizes only on certain aspects of the tone of some of his stories and poems while largely ignoring historical accuracy and any potential literary poetic value. The mystery solution is mostly fine, but leaves a few unanswered questions along with a sense of unfinished narrative.

Closest comparison: It’s like Antlers by way of The Raven (2012).

Setting: Military Drama
Plot: Dour Mystery
Tone: Psychological Tragedy