horror

Cujo - 1/5

This movie is so simple it’s uninteresting. Much of the ‘horror’ could have been avoided if the characters had possessed a basic level of competency. It’s not so much tense as it is infuriating to see multiple obvious ways every scenario could be avoided, which undercuts the entire point of the movie.

Closest comparison: It’s like Crawl by way of Phone Booth, both of which are much better than this.

Setting: Rural Drama
Plot: Creature Thriller
Tone: Rural Horror

Constantine: City of Demons - 1/5

This movie is extremely gory and horrific for an animated feature, with lots of depictions of demons, hell, and innocent souls in torment, with some sexuality thrown in just to make it more uncomfortable. Fans of Constantine specifically may enjoy it, but casual super hero enthusiasts should give this one a miss.

Content warning: gore, torture

Closest comparison: It’s like a cross between Dr. Strange and Hellraiser.

Setting: Hidden World
Plot: Super Hero
Tone: Horror

Hellraiser (1987) - 1/5

This movie is an excuse to put as much disgusting gore on screen as possible. It has an extremely small budget, judging by the production values, and the tiny plot serves only as a backdrop for the sadistic torture that’s at the heart of this film. The special effects are reminiscent of The Thing, but grosser and more unsettling. The effects may well have been stunning for the time, but even die hard horror fans have to admit there’s a lot better fare out there these days.

Content warning: female nudity, extended sickening gore

Closest comparison: It’s like the third act of Event Horizon, but with more gore.

Setting: Sci-Fi
Plot: Horror
Tone: Splatter

Old (2021) - 3/5

This movie is a high-concept sci-fi about what it means to live a fulfilling life, wrapped in uncomfortable psychological horror vestments, executed in a rough indie stage play aesthetic. Most people are going to be turned off by at least one of these elements. It manages to cram in an expansive itinerary of tragic life events, and dwells on them more than the cerebral sci-fi aficionados and armchair philosophers will be comfortable with. I’m not sure who this movie is for, but it’s just well-executed enough that whoever that is will probably enjoy it quite a bit.

Content warning: brief female nudity, infant death

Closest comparison: It’s like Life is Beautiful by way of Split.

Setting: Vacation Adventure
Plot: Cerebral Sci-Fi
Tone: Psychological Horror

Last Night in Soho - 5/5

This is a horror movie about the casting couch and bloody murders. If those themes make you think twice this is not a movie for you. But if you’re going to make a movie about this subject matter, this is the best there is. It’s intense and gut-wrenching when it needs to be, and only gives the audience laughs and endearing moments to use against them later. Wright uses Hitchcockian suspense to move from thriller to horror by being more brutal than Hitchcock ever was.

Content warning: coerced prostitution, bloody murder

Closest comparison: This movie is at the intersection of Sweeney Toddy, Neon Demon, and Baby Driver.

Setting: RomCom
Plot: Ghost Story
Tone: Horror

Ghosts of Mars - 2/5

This movie is a cheesy gorefest that takes itself way too seriously. The trifecta of bad acting, flimsy sets, and clumsy fight choreography are compounded by the choppy editing and bogus writing. None of the characters are likeable, the usual saving grace of the sci-fi B-movie, and they’re constantly doing things that go against their character motivations which is the original sin of script writing. The music is great and it the narrative is sitting on a solid premise, but there’s no saving this catastrophe of a movie.

Content warning: mild gore

Closest comparison: It’s trying to be Pandorum but it ends up closer to Battlefield Earth.

Setting: Sci-fi Action
Plot: Survival Horror
Tone: Pop Horror

Pandorum - 4/5

This is a stellar entry into the space horror genre, offering a slightly less satanic and gory option than Event Horizon. Its amnesia plot works better here than in most films, though it’s a bit of a plot contrivance for the story to unfold in a tense, satisfying way. There’s some violence and light gore, but the film quickly moves on instead of making it the focus like so many films in the genre. The special effects have held up over time, and it feels more like a high budget indie film than a low budget blockbuster.

Closest comparison: It’s like a mashup of Dead Space, Cube (1997), Titan A.E. and Pitch Black.

Setting: Space Sci-fi
Plot: Creature Horror
Tone: Action

Blade II (2002) - 3/5

This movie has all the great action and practical effects that are the hallmarks of director Guillermo del Toro, but it falls short in other places. Firstly, it immediately retcons a major plot point from the first movie, backtracks some substantial character growth in the main character. Secondly, the script plays a little loose with the stakes, utilizing physics-defying gadgets and out-of-nowhere character switches for pivotal plot points. Thirdly, the film severely underutilizes Donnie Yen giving him not even a single good martial arts scene, which is in itself a crime. But for all of that the movie is absolutely dripping with cool visual style and so viscerally engaging that it holds up admirably under its own weight.

Content warning: bloody

Closest comparison: It’s like Blade (1998) by way of Hellboy II: The Golden Army.

Setting: Post-Noir Goth
Plot: Super Hero
Tone: Action Horror

The Stuff (1985) - 2/5

This is a B movie with a lot of heart that has too much wrong with it to carry it at the end of the day. It has a solid tongue-in-cheek plot and approaches it with a smart tone, walking the line between comedy and pop horror. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work, and the poor acting and production values really hurt it overall. There are a few very impressive special effects shots, though mostly the effects are laughable, and the pitfalls here never make themselves offensive. This film soars past the ‘so bad it’s good’ threshold and is definitely worth a watch for fans of ‘80s schlock.

Closest comparison: It’s the intersection of The Thing, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and They Live.

Setting: Small Town Drama
Plot: ‘80s Pop Horror
Tone: Adventure Thriller

Leviathan (1989) - 4/5

This movie is a solid entry into the creature horror genre. It builds on many established genre classics, swapping the space setting of Alien for deep sea, splicing in a sizeable dose of The Thing’s body horror for good measure. There’s substantial chemistry with real depth and connection, and the effects are better than the budget could have predicted. If you like ‘80s horror movies and haven’t seen it, you owe it to yourself to check it out.

Closest comparison: It’s like Alien by way of Sphere.

Setting: Isolation
Plot: Horror
Tone: Disaster

Jurassic Park (1993) - 5/5

What is there to say about Jurassic Park? It’s a timeless classic. Almost all of the special effects are practical and flawless, and the few CGI shots hold up surprisingly well. The tone impeccably rides the line between pop horror and family adventure with aplomb. The plot, dialog, delivery, and cinematography are each so masterfully crafted that almost every scene is culturally iconic.

Closest comparison: It’s like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory by way of The Lost World (1960).

Setting: Exploration
Plot: Horror
Tone: Adventure

The Cabin in the Woods - 4/5

This movie is a deconstruction of the pop horror genre, but also succeeds at being its own solid entry into the pop horror genre. All of the less palatable aspects of movies like this are significantly improved by having characters directly critique them, though not as satisfyingly as they could have. It’s a great return to ‘90s form and the horror movie genre would do well to head in this direction. And while it’s cleverly executed it stops just short of turning the whole premise on its head, as it was poised to do, but leaves just enough wiggle room for fan theorists to have some fun with it.

Content warning: lots of blood, brief female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like The Last Action Hero for horror movies.

Setting: Horror
Plot: Sci-Fi
Tone: Comedy Horror

Delirium (movie, 2018) - 3/5

The basic idea behind this movie is what happens if someone is on house arrest in a haunted house. Those familiar with other Blumhouse productions will not be surprised to find it does a lot with a low budget. Topher Grace is great as the main character questioning his sanity and the script is smart enough to make him forthright, a trait lesser films eschew just to drive the plot. A few movie clichés at important story points bring down the rest of the film, which could have been great but ends up being only pretty good.

Closest comparison: It’s like Saw by way of The Haunting of Hill House.

Setting: Haunted House
Plot: Psychological Thriller
Tone: Horror

What We Do in the Shadows (2014) - 4/5

This is one of those breakout indie films that puts a director on the map. Taika Waititi’s humor shines through very strongly in this film, and it will absolutely hit audiences differently based on personal sense of humor. It’s dark and quirky, its runtime mostly comprised of jokes about vampires killing people; this is both its primary vice and its primary virtue. The narrative certainly rambles, as most mockumentaries do, but the charm of this movie is in its quirky characters and top-tier special effects despite its low budget. There’s a lot to like here, but its mileage will vary wildly from person to person; it’s a cult classic for a reason.

Closest comparison: It’s like Interview With A Vampire by way of Drop Dead Gorgeous.

Setting: Horror
Plot: Mockumentary
Tone: Dark Comedy

Color Out of Space (2019) - 4/5

This movie is terrifying. The cinematography is gorgeous and while the entire cast really sells their decent into madness, Nicolas Cage is magnificent in his slowly increasing insanity. The plot follows the broad strokes of the original short story by H.P. Lovecraft, bringing it into the 21st century while still remaining true to its cosmic horror roots. It’s beautifully done and a real testament to the indie film scene that a movie of this caliber can come out of it.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Shining by way of Event Horizon.

Setting: Family Drama
Plot: Cosmic Horror
Tone: Body Horror

Pan's Labyrinth - 5/5

This movie is Guillermo Del Torro’s masterpiece. It’s thoughtful and creepy, fantastical and dark in a sum total that manages to be exhilarating, terrifying, and deeply moving. It’s a fairy tale for adults, executed in a beautiful orchestra of set design, music, and a tour-de-force of performances from everyone involved. The story is complex and intricate, leaving the audience with plenty to discuss afterward.

Content warnings: Several brief sudden outbursts of brutal violence

Closest comparison: It’s like Burnt By The Sun (1994) by way of Legend (1985), but far surpassing them both.

Setting: War
Plot: Fantasy
Tone: Horror

Bone Tomahawk - 4/5

This movie is a moving tale of heroism in the face of extreme, brutal, gory, disturbing violence. It’s flawlessly executed and suitable viewing for almost no one. The pacing and dialogue ground the film in sober realism, which transitions from endearing quaintness to honest perseverance to grim determination throughout its course. Kurt Russell is outstanding and the entire case follows close behind, chewing the scenery the whole way. The resolution is more of a relief than a celebration, but if you can stomach the brutality it’s a very impressive film.

Content warnings: brief male and female nudity, extreme, brutal, gory, disturbing violence.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Searchers that turns into The Green Inferno.

Setting: Western
Plot: Rescue
Tone: Drama / Gorefest

In the Mouth of Madness (1994) - 2/5

This movie is a disturbing entry in the horror genre, along the lines of Stephen King and H.P. Lovecraft. Many of the scares are well executed, but the overall camp of mediocre production values lessens them somewhat. There’s not as much gore as many of its peers and much of it centers around investigating the quiet, backwoods town that keeps terror under the floorboards. Still, there’s plenty of dread and the film comes through with the cosmic hellscape in the end. If you’re a fan of 80’s hell horror, you’ll probably like this one more than I did.

Closest comparison: It’s like a cross between Children of the Corn and Event Horizon.

Setting: Small Town Creepshow
Plot: Disappearance
Tone: Dreadful Investigation

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007) - 4/5

This movie is too gruesome and (at times) sordid to be a general crowd pleaser, but for its target audience it’s a perennial favorite. The music is carefully crafted ear-worm ditties that are a delight to have stuck in your head for weeks. The sets and costuming are beautifully filthy, and the story is conveyed with heartbreakingly gorgeous aplomb. If you can stomach the bloody nature of the premise you’re in for a moving and inexplicably funny time.

Content warning: blood, sexual assault

Closest comparison: It’s like From Hell (2001) by way of Phantom of the Opera (2004).

Setting: Gothic Horror
Plot: Revenge
Tone: Tragedy Thriller

Doctor Sleep - 4/5

It’s hard to compare this movie to The Shining, because they have different directors and a different core story. If you haven’t seen The Shining (1980) you may still enjoy this movie, but you’ll be taking a lot of the explanations at face value. It branches out a bit more into the greater Stephen King mythos and ties it in very well to his other stories even beyond The Shining. This one was as scary for me as its predecessor, and although that will definitely vary from person to person there is a long, drawn-out scene of a child being tortured that makes this movie the more uncomfortable of the two. The acting, sound design, and special effects are all top notch, and if you like psychological horror you should give this movie a watch.

Content warning: child torture

Closest comparison: It’s like Logan (2017) by way of the darker parts of Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children, in the trappings of The Shining.

Setting: Teen Supernatural/Other World
Plot: Cat-and-Mouse Thriller
Tone: Psychological Horror