F9: The Fast Saga - 2/5

This movie is a tired retread of worn-out over-the-top melodrama. The action scenes are mindless fun, but the story is sub-par, even compared to other entries in the series. Surprisingly, driving a car to space is not the most unrealistic thing that happens in this movie, and the script goes out of its way to justify the logistics of it to the audience. What was more distracting to the story was the comic relief character’s meta commentary through-line about how none of the main characters in this franchise ever seem to get seriously injured.

Closest comparison: It’s the Fast and the Furious where they drive a car to space.

Setting: Action
Plot: Action
Tone: Action

Escape from L.A. - 3/5

This movie is more of a comedy that its predecessor, though it still has plenty of fun action as well. It’s a bit of a cash grab, trying to recreate the success of the first one with no better ideas than “what if it were in a different city?” But Kurt Russell and John Carpenter are so good at their jobs that the end result is engaging and enjoyable right to the end.

Closest comparison: It’s like Escape from New York by way of Die Another Day.

Setting: Action
Plot: Suicide Mission
Tone: Action

Fate of the Furious - 3/5

This movie revels in its status as a dumb action flick, and doesn’t disappoint in delivering fun, vehicle-based, over-the-top action. And when it does deliver even moderate emotional payoff it hits much harder because it’s unexpected.

Closest comparison: It’s the next ratchet up in The Fast And The Furious series.

Setting: Super Hero
Plot: Espionage
Tone: Action

Executive Decision - 4/5

This movie is a delectable ‘90s action thriller that is criminally overlooked compared to its peers. It has solid action and great tension, everything an action movie needs. The ensemble cast has great chemistry and some of the surprises are downright outstanding.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Rock by way of Air Force One.

Setting: Action
Plot: Action
Tone: Thriller

Overboard (1987) - 2/5

This movie has a lot of heart, but loses its way in the middle. The sweet undertone of the movie is tinged with an unshakeable creepiness, and although the leads have a lot of chemistry it’s a strange cocktail all told. It’s a fair enough premise that goes a bit wonky in the execution.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Prince and the Pauper by way of Maid in Manhattan.

Setting: Comedy
Plot: Comedy
Tone: RomCom

Tango & Cash - 3/5

This is a pretty standard buddy cop movie of its era. The plot is as fun and outlandish, the action scenes as over-the-top, and the dialogue as too-perfectly-quippy as you might expect. There’s more sexuality than most of its contemporaries, which may explain its relative obscurity, but the rest of the film is solid action fare.

Content warning: female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like Lethal Weapon with Sylvester Stalone and Kurt Russell.

Setting: Buddy Cop
Plot: Exoneration
Tone: Buddy Comedy

Soldier (1998) - 3/5

This movie has more military setpieces than action scenes, preferring the fighter-turned-lover narrative over stock spectacle, and it works pretty well. Kurt Russell brings the perfect combination of badass and pathos to the role, and the story doesn’t get in its own way or overcomplicate things.

Closest comparison: It’s like Unchained by way of Enemy Mine.

Setting: Sci-fi
Plot: Redemption
Tone: Action

Miracle (2004) - 3/5

This movie is a by-the-numbers sports movie. The performances are really quite good and it tells the historically-centered story aptly, but it doesn’t bring anything more than that. It’s very engaging while you’re watching it, but steadily fades once the show’s over.

Closest comparison: It’s like Remember the Titans by way of Moneyball.

Setting: Sports
Plot: Sports
Tone: Sports

Breakdown (1997) - 4/5

This movie is a tentpole entry in the kidnapping genre. The three lead actors are superb as average people, adding to the gravitas of the suspense. The twists and turns of the suspenseful plot make for white-knuckle, arid tension from about 10 minutes in until the end. It’s not as harrowing of an ordeal as many other entries in this genre, but it’s going to be more than enough stress for most viewers.

Closest comparison: It’s like In the Blood (2014) by way of Cape Fear.

Setting: Road Trip
Plot: Kidnapping
Tone: Thriller

The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes - 2/5

This little gem is mostly fine, but its dated aesthetics and excess silliness at the end make it drop just shy of ‘fine’. It’s an interesting look at a young Kurt Russell, but on the whole the acting, characters, and overall feel is vapid live action DIsney family fare. It’s not as funny as That Darn Cat or as heartfelt as Darby O’Gill and the Little People, which has only added to its justifiable obscurity over the decades.

Closest comparison: It’s like Phenomenon (1996) by way of Not Quite Human (1987).

Setting: College Comedy
Plot: Superhero
Tone: Family Comedy

Best of Times (1986) - 3/5

This is a best friends dramedy disguised as a sports movie. Kurt Russell and Robin Williams are obviously great, and carry the film despite its lackluster setup. There are some fun moments but for the most part it’s a by-the-numbers buddy drama with a healthy heaping helping of comedy all throughout.

Closest comparison: It’s like Tommy Boy by way of Friday Night Lights.

Setting: Small Town Drama
Plot: Sports
Tone: Dramedy

Escape from New York - 3/5

This is a classic action movie that doesn’t quite stand up to its own hype. It has a fun aesthetic and a playfully wacky premise, but it ultimately just sort of plods along until it’s over. There aren’t as many quips and setpieces as its contemporaries, and apart from Kurt Russell and Ernest Borgnine there aren’t any interesting or even memorable characters. The sleaze dampens the fun and the grit overshadows the adventure, but it’s still an enjoyable ‘80s action romp.

Closest comparison: It’s like Big Trouble in Little China by way of Judge Dredd (1995).

Setting: Sci-fi Dystopia
Plot: Rescue Adventure
Tone: ‘80s Action

Bone Tomahawk - 4/5

This movie is a moving tale of heroism in the face of extreme, brutal, gory, disturbing violence. It’s flawlessly executed and suitable viewing for almost no one. The pacing and dialogue ground the film in sober realism, which transitions from endearing quaintness to honest perseverance to grim determination throughout its course. Kurt Russell is outstanding and the entire case follows close behind, chewing the scenery the whole way. The resolution is more of a relief than a celebration, but if you can stomach the brutality it’s a very impressive film.

Content warnings: brief male and female nudity, extreme, brutal, gory, disturbing violence.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Searchers that turns into The Green Inferno.

Setting: Western
Plot: Rescue
Tone: Drama / Gorefest

John Carpenter's The Thing (1982) - 4/5

It's a classic for the horror genre, and the creature effects clearly demonstrate why it's still relevant 36 years later. Though the practical effects are definitely antiquated, the editing very cleverly conceals an impressive amount of what could otherwise have been flaws. This movie would have done better to provide enough information that The Thing could be traced upon repeat viewings, and the ending is anticlimactic. These do not detract from the flim as much as they are missed opportunities. Sill, I would be excited to watch it again so I have to give it the 4/5.

The Hateful Eight - 2/5

Quentin Tarantino has always had an eye for cinematography and an ear for catchy dialogue, and this movie is no exception. From the title alone it should come as no surprise that none of the characters are particularly likeable (except for Tim Roth's Oswaldo Mobray who, while a villain, was enjoyable to watch). This movie goes straight for the shock value in a few places, as Tarantino does, but the payoff here is less of a twist and more of a "Yeah, I guess that makes the most sense" climax. I only recommend this if you're a die hard fan of his other movies.

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 - 3/5

First off, the good: lots of beautiful visuals and some great character moments with tertiary characters. The opening sequence is fantastic, and if the whole movie was like that it might have been a 5. Unfortunately, most of the humor in the film is mean-spirited, which for me is intolerable. And for a movie that is relying largely on the humor it's just painful.