Farewell, My Lovely - 2/5

This movie is mostly fine; not great, but fine. The noir elements come through strongly with the palpable setting and Robert Mitchum’s voiceover. Unfortunately most of the actors are phoning in their lines and the scenes all play out like everyone just wants to be done for the day. The plot is more of a procedural than a mystery, and the protagonist never adapts to the same thing happening to him over and again. Even if you like gritty noir, you can do much better than this.

Content warning: female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like The Long Goodbye (1973) by way of The Big Sleep (1978).

Setting: Crime
Plot: Detective
Tone: Noir

Cobra (1986) - 3/5

This movie promises to be a fun ‘buddy cop’ style action flick, but is in fact a tense, slow-burn serial killer thriller. Of course there are a few action scenes, including the final showdown, and plenty of Stallone being Stallone but its mainstay is gritty crime thriller.

Closest comparison: It’s like Tango & Cash by way of Blue Steel.

Setting: Buddy Cop
Plot: Serial Killer
Tone: Horror/Thriller

Tango & Cash - 3/5

This is a pretty standard buddy cop movie of its era. The plot is as fun and outlandish, the action scenes as over-the-top, and the dialogue as too-perfectly-quippy as you might expect. There’s more sexuality than most of its contemporaries, which may explain its relative obscurity, but the rest of the film is solid action fare.

Content warning: female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like Lethal Weapon with Sylvester Stalone and Kurt Russell.

Setting: Buddy Cop
Plot: Exoneration
Tone: Buddy Comedy

The Suicide Squad (2021) - 4/5

This movie is a tour de force rebuttal to its previous installment. It’s a colorful, blood-spattered comedy corral, with a plot that actually works and consistent stakes. It retreads some story beats from the first installment but improves them just to flex. It takes bizarre situations and obscure characters, then injects them with pathos and treats them with more care than the rest of these non-MCU superhero cash-grabs.

Content warning: Gore

Closest comparison: It’s like Guardians of the Galaxy by way of Deadpool.

Setting: Military
Plot: Super Hero
Tone: Dark Comedy

Cliffhanger - 3/5

This movie is a solid, stock action movie. It’s eminently watchable, with enough of a plot to keep things moving and exciting action to keep the audience engaged. It has a slow start, but once it gets going it doesn’t slow down. There are a few plot contrivances, but they don’t stray too far from the realm of believability and make for an all around fun time.

Closest comparison: It’s like Vertical Limit by way of Rambo II.

Setting: Survival
Plot: Adventure
Tone: Action

Oscar - 4/5

This is a classic stage-style comedy in the guise of a 1920’s mobster movie. It starts off a bit slow and takes its time speeding up, but once it gets up to speed it sings. A romanticized version of the amiable cultural sensibilities of the time come through in the best way, creating palpable style and blending with its stage play ambience to produce an immensely enjoyable shell game of misunderstandings and marriage proposals gone awry. It’s pleasant and joyful, a welcome change of pace.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Importance of Being Earnest in the garb of Mickey Blue Eyes

Setting: Gangster
Plot: Comedy of Errors
Tone: Dramedy

Over The Top (1987) - 3/5

Despite its name this is not a Sylvester Stalone action movie. It is apparently an arm-wrestling term, as this movie is about a truck-driving, arm-wrestling father trying to reconnect with his estranged son. It’s sincere and heartfelt, which may put off modern cynics, but the arm wrestling championship mostly comes out of left field and breaks up the flow a bit. It would fit comfortably alongside the bevy of ‘90s disney family kids live action movies.

Closest comparison: It’s like Real Steel (2011) by way of Fly Away Home (1996).

Setting: Road Trip
Plot: Coming of Age
Tone: Family

Rambo: Last Blood - 2/5

The first three quarters of this movie is a ‘mourning the state of the world’ drama and only the last 25 minutes is the brutal action we’ve come to expect from this franchise. It’s disturbing and uncomfortable to watch, and even though it has good intentions the final act doesn’t make up for the rest of the movie. I only recommend this to fans of the series who need to know how it ends.

Content warning: human trafficking, intense grit, brutal violence

Closest comparison: It’s like Wind River by way of Man on Fire (2004).

Setting: Modern Western
Plot: Kidnap
Tone: Revenge

Creed II - 3/5

Don’t get me wrong, this is still a good movie. It’s an interesting logical continuation of the story from Creed and is enjoyable to watch. It almost crested to a 4/5, but there are just too many plot points that never go anywhere and missed opportunities to have really great moments. All of the interesting camera work from the first installment is gone and the writing turns the story into a family drama. The acting is still good but without the subsance there’s no reason to see this movie over any other.

Creed (2015) - 5/5

I’m not normally drawn to boxing movies, but there’s nothing to criticize with this one. The story is so strong and the acting is incredible by everyone involved. It’s a very moving, powerful film with a clearly stated central theme and message that avoids being preachy. It avoids the tired manufactured drama of lesser films but lets the story carry itself by the sheer weight of its sincerity. Smartly, the director Ryan Coogler tells the story in a way that the audience doesn’t need to have seen any of the Rocky films to understand everything that’s going on in the story. Absolutely impressive cinematography with more oners than Spielberg and to think about than its predecessors, this film is one of the all-time greats for film snobs and popcorn flick lovers alike.