Brian Thompson

Cobra (1986) - 3/5

This movie promises to be a fun ‘buddy cop’ style action flick, but is in fact a tense, slow-burn serial killer thriller. Of course there are a few action scenes, including the final showdown, and plenty of Stallone being Stallone but its mainstay is gritty crime thriller.

Closest comparison: It’s like Tango & Cash by way of Blue Steel.

Setting: Buddy Cop
Plot: Serial Killer
Tone: Horror/Thriller

Lionheart (1990) - 3/5

This is a pretty standard American martial arts movie from the ‘90s. It has the typical lackluster, choppy Van Damme fight scenes, but a more palatable plot than many of his other films. Van Damme also gives one of the most heartfelt performances of his acting career opposite an 8 year old Ashley Johnson, though that’s a low bar to clear.

Content warning: language

Closest comparison: It’s like Bloodsport by way of White Men Can’t Jump.

Setting: Action
Plot: Martial Arts
Tone: Action

Epoch (2001) - 1/5

This movie is hot garbage. The CGI is both dodgy and terrible, even for 2001, the acting is laughable, and it’s all built around a story that isn’t even a good idea in theory. There’s no heart to it, like everyone involved doesn’t want to be making the movie. Could be a good contender for Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Asylum production company’s attempt at an Alien or Arrival type movie.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Sci-Fi
Tone: Discovery