The Gift (2000) - 1/5

This movie is overwrought and derivative. It uses small town depravity for cheap shock value and draws out its personal drama into melodrama. Despite its appearance, there’s no mystery for the audience to solve, as all relevant information is revealed at the end. No justice is served for any of the crimes in the film, except assumedly for the central case which takes up surprisingly little of the runtime.

Content warning: female nudity, domestic abuse, child sexual abuse

Closest comparison: It’s like Blue Steel by way of Dolores Claiborne.

Setting: Small Town Horror
Plot: Psychic Mystery
Tone: Tragedy

The Matrix Resurrections - 1/5

This movie would be hillariously bad if it weren’t so boring. It makes incessant references to the previous films, calls them out, and goes nowhere with them beyond surface-level nostalgic fan service. Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss are fine doing their standard routine, but Jessica Henwick and Neil Patrick Harris bust out great performances for what they’re worth. The messaging is very muddled, and usually shakes out to mean the opposite of what it is meant to. The action is downright pitiful, all close-up shaky-cam nonsense with no sense of who is doing what or even what the stakes are most of the time; it’s easily the worst action I’ve seen all year.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Matrix: Reloaded by way of Jupiter Ascending.

Setting: Sci-Fi
Plot: Hidden World
Tone: Coffee Shop Drama

Johnny Mnemonic - 2/5

This is a very dated film, a relic of its time. The plot mostly holds together, and though it drags in a few places is still a pretty solid keep-away plot. The cyberpunk aesthetic is a solid iteration of the genre and there are some clear precursors to The Matrix scattered around the film’s runtime. Its biggest rough spot is its painfully archaic CGI, but many will be able to get a good chuckle that this was ever good enough quality for a Hollywood film.

Closest comparison: It’s like a mashup of Blade Runner and Mad Max.

Setting: Cyberpunk
Plot: On the Run
Tone: Action

Always Be My Maybe (Netflix) - 3/5

This movie is a pretty standard post-modern West coast rom com with all the witty anecdotes and unusual-but-not-unbelievable situations you’d expect. Everyone is sleeping around, for one thing, and the film provides an unexpected sardonic evisceration of the high class West coast lifestyle which may hit audiences differently depending on differences in personal worldview. The humor for me was more smirk than laugh out loud, which will hit everyone differently, but the inevitable awkward humor wasn’t as forced or as awkward as I was expecting so it was a fun watch overall.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Big Sick, but with food instead of chronic illness.

Setting: Yuppie Drama
Plot: Will They Won’t They Romance
Tone: Romantic Comedy

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure - 3/5

This movie is the quintessential happy-go-lucky entry into the surge of rebellious teenager movies that were pervasive at the time. It’s goofy and fun with an aloof, almost bizarre plot that has sequestered it solidly into the ‘cult classic’ category. It has all the low-fi heart of an indie movie combined with the eventual star power of Keanu Reeves and George Carlin. Even though the version of time travel used here hilariously makes no sense, it’s all in service to the over-the-top screwball comedy and the whole thing comes together in an excellent way.

Closest comparison: It’s like Back to the Future by way of Wayne’s World.

Setting: Time travel
Plot: Sci-Fi Comedy
Tone: Comedy

Toy Story 4 - 4/5

This movie is a solid addition to the franchise. Pixar is back in true form to deliver a fun, meaningful film to warm audience hearts around the world. It’s less tear-jerking than previous entries, but it still weaves the Pixar signature great, meaningful narrative that bucks storytelling standard. There are some small but significant character deviations for Buzz and Bo Peep, and not always in a good way. But apart from some mostly harmless missteps it is the sequel fans hoped they could make and feared they wouldn’t be able to pull off. Most people probably knew they were going to watch it before reading this, but if you were on the fence, definitely go see it.

Closest comparison: It’s like a fresh Toy Story 3 with some of the logistical problems of Finding Dory and a touch of sequelitis.

Setting: Family Fantasy
Plot: Adventure
Tone: Family Adventure

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum - 3/5

This movie tries to expand the world-building that the first two films started, but it quickly falls apart. There are some fun action scenes, and one in an antique shop in particular that is stellar, but the rest of the movie is a blurry confusion of self-contradiction and tensionless posturing. Asia Kate Dillon is particularly atrocious, and her portrayal of a such pompously incompetent character is not only grating to watch but badly written to boot. The contrivances just keep piling up and after an hour or so everything that happens happens because the plot needs it to. The director’s affinity for beautiful cinematography has been pared down to only beautiful shots, with much of the camera work that made the other two films stand out lost and lazily lacking in this one.

Closest comparison: It’s the Jonh Wick entry that couldn’t be bothered to be any good.

Setting: Secret World
Plot: Action
Tone: Action

John Wick: Chapter 2 - 3/5

They lost their way with the second one. It still has beautiful cinematography, some fun fight scenes, and memorable side characters. But the lack of specific motivation or creativity in resolving fairly straightforward conflicts makes it a definite drop in quality from the first one. I found the suit gimmicky and by the end they had really gotten John Wick's character wrong.

John Wick - 5/5

It does so many things right. Great action flick with amazing choreography and one of the best performances from Keanu Reeves ever. At the end of the third act the pace drops and there isn't a clear motivation as to why the last fight takes place. The two main combatants have only moderate motivation that's been set up beforehand as to why they're fighting, since they could have fought before but chose not to. But that's light criticism, all things considered.