Death on the Nile (2022) - 2/5

This movie is a mostly straightforward adaptation of the Agatha Christie murder mystery, with a few notable facets. Firstly, it has an order of magnitude better production value than the BBC Poirot series, although Kenneth Branagh pales in comparison to David Suchet. Secondly, the film injects an absurd amount of over-the-top sexuality in a few places, as well as a heavy application of obnoxious, senseless woke-isms across the side characters like sprinkling arsenic on tiramisu.

Closest comparison: It’s like Murder on the Orient Express (2017) with a bunch of nonsense shoehorned in.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Mystery
Tone: Mystery

Captain Marvel - 2/5

There’s not a lot to redeem this movie. It seems to confuse ‘mean’ with ‘funny’, and does so repeatedly. The main character is unlikable and arrogant, which is a bad combination. Ben Mendelsohn steals the show, which is how badly the writers portrayed Sam Jackson’s character. The action scenes are dimly lit and shake around like the camera man is afraid he’ll miss something; that combined with choppy editing makes them a jumbled mess. The skrull make-up is phenomenal, though, and the plot turn is actually not half bad. The tone was very different from other Marvel movies and felt much more like J.J. Abrams’ Start Trek movies, so if you like those movies you’re in luck.

Closest Comparison: They tried to make Wonder Woman, but made Green Lantern instead.

Setting: Sci-fi
Plot: Action
Tone: A messy mess of Superhero, Action, and Comedy

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