Death on the Nile (2022) - 2/5

This movie is a mostly straightforward adaptation of the Agatha Christie murder mystery, with a few notable facets. Firstly, it has an order of magnitude better production value than the BBC Poirot series, although Kenneth Branagh pales in comparison to David Suchet. Secondly, the film injects an absurd amount of over-the-top sexuality in a few places, as well as a heavy application of obnoxious, senseless woke-isms across the side characters like sprinkling arsenic on tiramisu.

Closest comparison: It’s like Murder on the Orient Express (2017) with a bunch of nonsense shoehorned in.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Mystery
Tone: Mystery

Murder on the Orient Express (2017) - 3/5

It's good. It's fine. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's honestly pretty bland. For all the acting and directing talent available it is not very impressive, except for a few pretty great 'oners' if you're looking for them. If you're familiar with the story this movie holds no surprises for you. If not, it's a classic and this is a solid adaptation.