Death on the Nile (2022) - 2/5

This movie is a mostly straightforward adaptation of the Agatha Christie murder mystery, with a few notable facets. Firstly, it has an order of magnitude better production value than the BBC Poirot series, although Kenneth Branagh pales in comparison to David Suchet. Secondly, the film injects an absurd amount of over-the-top sexuality in a few places, as well as a heavy application of obnoxious, senseless woke-isms across the side characters like sprinkling arsenic on tiramisu.

Closest comparison: It’s like Murder on the Orient Express (2017) with a bunch of nonsense shoehorned in.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Mystery
Tone: Mystery

Red Notice (Netflix) - 4/5

This movie is a fun action romp, that nicely wraps up in the end the questions it raises along the way (with a few minor exceptions). It’s charmingly garish and seems to be having fun making standard action tropes look good. The three veteran action leads are effortlessly charismatic and play the whole film with a smirk and a wink.

Closest comparison: It’s like Mission: Impossible by way of Hobbs and Shaw.

Setting: Action
Plot: Espionage
Tone: Adventure

Fast 5 - 3/5

This movie is in some ways more of the same from this franchise, but ramped up to the next level. It has a bigger heist, more questionable physics, and a bigger guy (Dwayne Johnson) chasing the protagonists. The emphasis on family and low-level street crime has been mostly done away with in favor of high-tech missions and international stakes.

Closest comparison: It’s like Mission: impossible 3 by way of The Rundown.

Setting: Espionage Action
Plot: Espionage Action
Tone: Espionage Action

Fast & Furious (2009) - 3/5

This fourth entry in the Fast and the Furious saga seems like one of the weakest links at first blush, but there’s more to it than that. The story structure is some of the best in the series, unfolding the narrative with solid plot points and earned reveals. However, this is also the first movie of the bunch to start getting crazy with the over-the-top stunts and Mission: Impossible-level tech. It maintains the fun and flaws of the rest of the series, so fans will already know what to expect and everyone else won’t have gotten this far.

Closest comparison: It’s like the plot of The Third Man by way of Vanishing Point (1971).

Setting: Suave Crime
Plot: Undercover Detective
Tone: Action Thriller

Ralph Breaks the Internet - 2/5

It’s very modern feminist, to the extent that if whether you enjoy the movie will be largely determined by whether you agree with modern feminism. Beyond that, though, there are several structural issues with the movie. For example, the film invents a character flaw for Ralph just so he can have a flaw to work through in the climax of the film. It’s not too far fetched, but it’s not well-established. In the attempt to promote women, all of the women in the film either don’t have flaws or don’t have their flaws addressed at all, which makes the characters universally bland and uninteresting. Still, there are a few shining lines of comedy and insight that are quickly passed over but are great while they’re being spoken.

Closest comparison: It’s like a cross between Wreck-It Ralph and the Emoji Movie.

Justice League - 3/5

This is actually being rather generous. It's really a 2.5 but I had to pick a direction. The fight scenes are ok but uninspired and the writing is really really bad, especially in the dialogue. Everything is oversexualized and the way it's edited shows Joss Whedon tried to minimize that aspect as much as possible when he took over directing in the last month or so of film production. On the plus side it's colorful and the Flash has some funny lines with good delivery. Mostly a dud, but not a dumpster fire like Batman v Superman.

Full disclosure, we saw this movie last week but accidentally missed the first 30 minutes and didn't realize it until we got out and it wasn't as late as it should have been. We re-watched it today and my opinion of it actually didn't change that much. If it were a made for TV movie or a 90's direct to video special I would have said it wasn't too bad. But as it's a $300 million blockbuster it's hard to imagine how nobody on the production team threw up the red flag before it was released.

Wonder Woman - 4/5

The fight scenes are really cool, and they effortlessly walk a narrow line between the sexes. There really aren't many (any?) pandering shots of the title character, but they also don't fall prey to a feminist ideology. They did their heavy lifting early so some lines later on that could have come off as cheesy end up being actually meaningful. It's refreshingly fun and honest, definitely the best DC movie in the past 9 years.