The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) - 1/5

This movie is a meticulously, even beautifully handcrafted telling of a story so grim, gritty, sordid, and vile that it doesn’t merit being told. It’s remarkable how good the film-making is, being one of the only movies that makes long-form research genuinely compelling, interesting, and even gripping. But there’s no redeeming value to the story’s conclusion, no satisfactory result that makes the slough of watching the story unfold worth having been watched. Daniel Craig’s accent goes in and out (mostly out), but it barely rates mentioning against the mountain of other flaws in the film.

Content warning: female nudity, graphic sex, rape

Closest comparison: It’s like Dolores Claiborne (1995) by way of Se7en.

Setting: Police Procedural
Plot: Detective
Tone: Psychological Horror

The Princess Bride - 5/5

There are plenty of nit pick reasons why this film shouldn’t get a 5, but they all pale in the face of the unparalleled amount of heart this movie exudes at every turn. It repeatedly proves itself with likable characters and quotable dialogue, keeping both the high fantasy adventure and the heartfelt romance in top form. Any low quality special effects inexplicably add to the overall quality of the movie, in part because of the story is cased in narration but also because it maintains a delicate balance between believable danger for the characters and lighthearted fun for the audience. It is easily one of the all time great movies ever made.

Closest comparison: It’s like Monty Python’s and the Holy Grail (1975) by way of The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938).

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Romance
Tone: Comedy

Wonder Woman - 4/5

The fight scenes are really cool, and they effortlessly walk a narrow line between the sexes. There really aren't many (any?) pandering shots of the title character, but they also don't fall prey to a feminist ideology. They did their heavy lifting early so some lines later on that could have come off as cheesy end up being actually meaningful. It's refreshingly fun and honest, definitely the best DC movie in the past 9 years.