Nightmare Alley (2021) - 3/5

This film is a faithful, high budget adaptation of the 1947 movie of the same name. It’s a compelling depiction of a tawdry, base, cruel story with an ending that approaches psychological horror. The style is not the fun-creepy defunct carnival that I had hoped for, but more of a grimy, despicable underbelly of society style. Its narrative is winding and sometimes loses its way, but ultimately delivers an unforgettable, twisted morality tale.

Closest comparison: It’s like Detour by way of The Devil’s Backbone.

Setting: Noir
Plot: Self-Made Ruin
Tone: Thriller

Spider-Man: No Way Home - 4/5

This movie is attempting to be a love-letter to Spider-Man fans and MCU fans alike, and in many ways it succeeds. There’s much better character development here than in the previous two Spider-Man movies, and the main cast rises to the challenge with superb acting. The fight scenes are much better than Far From Home, both in conception and execution. That being said, the first half hour is pretty painful in its attempts at humor and there are a few throw-away lines that are cringey attempts at being ‘woke’. At this point in the MCU every film is carrying a lot of baggage, and how this one hits any given audience member will only vary more and more, this film very much included.

Closest comparison: It’s like Spider-Man: Far From Home by way of Doctor Strange (2016).

Setting: Super Hero
Plot: Sci-Fi
Tone: Comedy

Inside Man (2006) - 4/5

This is a smart, well-executed heist movie. It’s constantly letting the audience know that it’s going to pull a fast one at the end, but keeps them guessing who and when and how. The top tier actor list does not disappoint, bringing the rich characters to life with a smooth aggressiveness that makes full use of their considerable talents. The pacing would normally be considered slow-burn, but there’s enough to think about at all times that the pauses instead become room to think and let the plot breathe a little. Ultimately it thinks it’s a bit more clever than it actually is and it takes too long to wrap up in the third act, but those are small criticisms for such a unique and well thought out story.

Closest comparison: It’s like Heist (2001) mixed with Silence of the Lambs, but with drama and intrigue in place of psychological horror.

Setting: Detective
Plot: Heist
Tone: Drama

The Lighthouse (2019) - 4/5

This movie is an artsy drama that lets the audience go a bit mad along with the characters. It’s surprisingly funny in quite a few places, made all the more unusual by using it neither as bathos nor as a jarring juxtaposition. The dialogue may seem unusual at first, but the filmmakers have taken great lengths to replicate authentic antiquated verbiage and it lends a lot to the overall feel of the performances. Above all this film is atmospheric and it encases the story in its claustrophobic isolation. It’s an excellent, strange, sometimes harsh curiositie with enough ambiguities to keep the audience thinking long after leaving the theater.

Content warning: masturbation, brief female nudity

Closest comparison: It feels like M (1931), but written by H.P. Lovecraft and directed by Wes Anderson.

Setting: Nautical Thriller
Plot: Decent into Madness
Tone: Stage Drama

John Carter - 2/5

This movie is mostly passable, but is needlessly convoluted for what amounts to a simple plot. It relies heavily on its special effects and for the most part they’re passable, but they lack enough polish to carry the movie. The main characters aren’t particularly likable, which could make for an interesting, morally ambiguous movie, but doesn’t work in a family film. There’s a good amount of extravagant action, but if you’re looking for anything more you’ll be disappointed.

Closest comparison: It’s like Cowboys and Aliens (2011) by way of Jupiter Ascending, as a family movie.

Setting: Western Sci-Fi
Plot: Adventure
Tone: Family Action

The Boondock Saints - 5/5

The message of this movie is direct and to the point, but its method of getting there twists and turns. The storytelling is some of the best I’ve seen, easily beating Pulp Fiction’s random chaos with the director Troy Duffy’s own carefully crafted character development. It’s crass and wild, but all with a laser-focused objective that it brings home with flying colors. It has a pan-genre soundtrack that will stick in your mind and excellent performances across the board, including Willem Dafoe as you’ve never seen him before (and hope to never see him again). Its combination of in-your-face style and attention to detail makes it easy to see why this became the cult classic that it is. Viewer discretion: extreme violence and language.

Closest Comparison: It’s like Scarface meets Pulp Fiction, but with a point.

Setting: Modern
Plot: Detective
Tone: Action

Aquaman - 3/5

This is a very uneven movie. Many times the visuals are stunning, gorgeous even. Then the actors dump exposition on the audience for a several minutes at a time. Jason Momoa is fun and endearing; Amber Heard is grating. Every fight scene has something really cool and something either bad or just dumb. There are two separate villain plots that push the runtime over 2.5 hours, and that would be fine if the dialogue was good or the characters were likable. Unfortunately, the stiff performances and lousy writing won out. Except for a few really great moments, this film is not worth your time.

Closest Comparison: It’s Thor: Ragnarok by way of Jupiter Ascending

Murder on the Orient Express (2017) - 3/5

It's good. It's fine. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's honestly pretty bland. For all the acting and directing talent available it is not very impressive, except for a few pretty great 'oners' if you're looking for them. If you're familiar with the story this movie holds no surprises for you. If not, it's a classic and this is a solid adaptation.

The Great Wall - 4/5

Hahaha! Ok, so, it's not that the movie is that 'good' that it's a 4/5, but it's so much fun that I will definitely be seeing it again, probably more than once. This is a great '90s adventure movie. It knows what it is, and it does that very very well. It also doesn't do anything above that. It feels a lot like The Mummy (1999), without all the horror bits.