Dolph Lundgren

Showdown in Little Tokyo - 1/5

This movie tries to be so cool and edgy, but just comes off as cheesy and sleazy. It’s unfortunately par for the course for Dolph Lundgren movies of this era, and this one stoops lower in the sleaze category than some of his comparable fare. The action isn’t even good, which for Bruce Lee’s son is downright shameful.

Content warning: female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like Lethal Weapon by way of The Punisher (1989).

Setting: Buddy Cop
Plot: Buddy Cop
Tone: Buddy Cop

The Punisher (1989) - 2/5

This movie is just a low budget, low quality action movie, even by ‘80s standards. The acting’s stilted, the plot’s a bore, and the action isn’t even fun or exciting for the most part. It may have some merit as the subject of a Mystery Science Theater 3000 viewing, but other than that it’s pretty lifeless.

Closest comparison: It’s halfway between Masters of the Universe (1987) and The Defenders (Netflix, 2017)

Setting: Crime
Plot: Vigilante
Tone: Action

Aquaman - 3/5

This is a very uneven movie. Many times the visuals are stunning, gorgeous even. Then the actors dump exposition on the audience for a several minutes at a time. Jason Momoa is fun and endearing; Amber Heard is grating. Every fight scene has something really cool and something either bad or just dumb. There are two separate villain plots that push the runtime over 2.5 hours, and that would be fine if the dialogue was good or the characters were likable. Unfortunately, the stiff performances and lousy writing won out. Except for a few really great moments, this film is not worth your time.

Closest Comparison: It’s Thor: Ragnarok by way of Jupiter Ascending