Death Becomes Her - 1/5

This is a self-aware black comedy that tries to ham it up but fails miserably. I usually enjoy macabre humor but this was too cheesy, too plastic, too over-the-top corny for me to enjoy. Instead of making jokes about death, it uses uncanny body disfigurement as the punchline without bothering to provide humor to go along with it. None of the actors are making an effort to be charismatic, but instead feel like they’re relying on their fame to carry their performance and expecting the audience to be won over by their mere presence. This is a dud that has rightfully faded into obscurity.

Content warning: partial female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like Bruce Willis at the height of his narcissistic hubris trying to imitate Tim Burton’s style and failing.

Setting: Tawdry Drama
Plot: Comedy Horror
Tone: Black Comedy

Die Hard with a Vengeance - 4/5

This movie is a return to form, almost as enjoyable as the first one for the same reasons, without feeling trite and formulaic. The villain is back to being an criminal mastermind and the hero is relegated back to underdog status, the dynamic that sets the franchise apart in the action genre. The side characters are back to being likable and interesting, making for a fun action romp with just enough mystery to keep it interesting. It redeems the franchise from its predecessor and ends the original trilogy in high form.

Closest comparison: It’s like a cross between The Last Boyscout and Inside Man.

Setting: Buddy Cop
Plot: Thriller
Tone: Action

Die Hard 2 - 3/5

This movie suffers hard from sequelitis. Despite having several similar scenes, and even commenting on the repetition in the dialog, it is unlike the first Die Hard is all the important respects. The characters are shallow and forgettable, the interpersonal drama is forced, and the plot seems to know where it’s going before the characters do. The only good part is the action, which is executed quite well despite its contrivances. For all its faults it manages to avoid making any aspect too bad and lets the action ride out the runtime, which the film seems to know is why we’re all watching in the first place.

Closest Comparison: It’s like The Rock by way of Snakes on a Plane.

Setting: Action
Plot: Action
Tone: Action

Die Hard (1988) - 5/5

What can I say about this quintessential action movie? The action takes a back seat to the plot, only presenting itself when relevant. The characters are vibrant and engaging but not overbearing enough to bog down the narrative flow. It’s fun and funny without undercutting the tension, it’s believable enough to pass muster without relying on needlessly boring realism as a countermeasure. It’s a classic for a reason.

Closest comparison: It’s somewhere between Commando and John Wick.

Setting: Action
Plot: Action
Tone: Action

National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1 - 4/5

This movie is a self-aware all-out parody that loves its over-the-top silliness and doesn’t hold back. The comedic timing, though somewhat subjective, is on point here and Emilio Estevez is in top form as the self-serious straight man along with Samuel L. Jackson being himself. The references to other films of the era are direct and overt, but the gags are broad enough to still be funny out of context. The gratuitous nudity scene typical of National Lampoon is not present in this movie, and the bedroom humor is all direct scene parody of its contemporary films. There’s a lot to like here and its short runtime doesn’t overstay its welcome.

Closest comparison: It’s like Lethal Weapon by way of Police Squad.

Setting: Buddy Cop
Plot: Buddy Cop
Tone: Screwball Comedy

Hudson Hawk - 3/5

This movie is an anomaly. For one thing, it’s a screwball comedy that ramps up the wacky antics after the hook, so many audiences are caught off guard and left with confused expectations. The structure and tone are more akin to a Mad Lib than a $65 mil cat burglar blockbuster but that seems to be entirely deliberate, as the movie is constantly self-aware and loving it. Its incessant charm carries it much further than expected, though its rough plot, off-the-wall tone, and sporadically crass language are the terminal drag-chute that kept it out of cult classic territory.

Closest comparison: It’s like Deadpool by way of National Treasure with Looney Toons logic

Setting: Heist
Plot: Adventure
Tone: Screwball Comedy

Looper - 4/5

Even though there are some logical holes that can be poked in the time-travel explanation used in this movie, it maintains the rules it sets up in the beginning. Of course a few plot contrivances are needed in a story like this, but it’s so well told that they’re easy to forgive. Lots of fun action and a hauntingly impressive scene illustrating the time-travel rules in this story, there’s certainly a lot to like here. Good performances really sell the world Rian Johnson created without needing a lot of heavy-handed exposition. For a more mature, action-oriented take on a Back to the Future version of time travel, look no further.

Closest Comparison: It’s Brick (2005) by way of Back to the Future

Setting: Action
Plot: Sci-fi
Tone: Action

Glass - 4/5

This movie is a direct sequel to director M. Night Shayamalan’s previous movie, Split, and continues the plot and the tone from that film. In his signature style it’s slow and expects its audience to be observant, although the ending is more of a surprise and less of a twist than many of his previous films. It keeps you guessing and doubting yourself the whole time, constantly trying to stay one step ahead of the film and knowing you’re not. Classic Shayamalan.

Closest Comparison: It’s in the vein of Split or Unbreakable.

Setting: Modern
Plot: Heist/Escape
Tone: Thriller