Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins - 3/5

This movie is not the high action one man army movie that it may seem on the surface. Remo gets the elite training, sure, but he bumbles his way through most of the fights. It’s a campy, fun family B-movie that has enough heart to pull it through the rougher low quality production patches. Some will be turned off of this movie by the white actor playing an old Korean man done up to look and act Chinese, but it’s in the upper half of this film’s well done to poorly done spectrum. And if that sentence doesn’t agree with you, maybe skip this one.

Closest comparison: It’s like Person of Interest by way of The Karate Kid (1984).

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Zero to Hero
Tone: Espionage

Pig (2021) - 4/5

This movie sets itself up to be a violent kidnap revenge story, but ends up being a thoughtful character drama. Nicolas Cage carries the film, and the cast of characters that the plot cycles through is solid. The subtext for most of the narrative is the West coast fine dining scene which comes to the foreground enough that the audience’s enjoyment of the film will vary by proximity to, and understanding of, that milieu. That being said, it’s equal parts admiration for and critique of the chefs of fine dining establishments, but if you’re looking for a guns-blazing revenge-fest this is not it.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Protector (2005) by way of Chef (2014).

Setting: Hipster Dramedy
Plot: Kidnapping
Tone: Retrospective Drama

Iron Mask (2019) - 2/5

This movie is bafflingly well-produced for its low-tier plot, effects, and acting. It somehow alternates between over- and under-acting, with effects and sets that feel like Big Trouble In Little China. The costuming and style is great, but it can’t save this movie’s campiness.

Closest comparison: It’s like Jupiter Ascending by way of The Great Wall.

Setting: Fantasy
Plot: Revolution
Tone: Adventure

Nightmare Alley (2021) - 3/5

This film is a faithful, high budget adaptation of the 1947 movie of the same name. It’s a compelling depiction of a tawdry, base, cruel story with an ending that approaches psychological horror. The style is not the fun-creepy defunct carnival that I had hoped for, but more of a grimy, despicable underbelly of society style. Its narrative is winding and sometimes loses its way, but ultimately delivers an unforgettable, twisted morality tale.

Closest comparison: It’s like Detour by way of The Devil’s Backbone.

Setting: Noir
Plot: Self-Made Ruin
Tone: Thriller

Free Guy - 2/5

This movie is hilarious, but the plot and world building are horrible. It takes a whole scene to set up a certain mechanic early on in the film, and the one time that mechanic comes back into play it completely breaks its own rules. If the story beats were even sort of passable this movie would be great because of how funny it is, but the movie goes out of its way to explain normal things that need no explanation in such a way as to make no sense at all.

Closest comparison: It’s like Ready Player One by way of Divergent.

Setting: Sci-Fi
Plot: Dystopia
Tone: Comedy

The Kid (2019) - 3/5

This is a solid modern western that has a lot going for it. In some ways it’s a mashup of other westerns, but with its own fresh shootouts and getaways. Chris Pratt has an excellent turn as a bone-chilling villain, and Dane DeHaan is clearly having a lot of fun as Billy the Kid. The plot rambles a bit too much and at least one key moment is unearned, with muddled motivation. Sill, this film is definitely worth a watch for fans of Westerns, but it’s not going to bring anyone to the genre.

Content warning: rape

Closet comparison: It’s like The Night of the Hunter by way of 3:10 to Yuma.

Setting: Western
Plot: On the Run
Tone: Thriller

Ingrid Goes West (2017) - 2/5

This is an Instagram stalker story that flirts with the idea of having a point. It’s more interested in having a conversation about the dynamic between reality and unreality in modern social media than it is in forming any conclusions about the topic. It’s always fun watching Aubrey Plaza’s awkward humor, and Elizabeth Olsen is great in everything, but this film just putts along like it’s just trying to fill the runtime.

Closest comparison: It’s like Social Network by way of SwimFan.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Stalker
Tone: Dramedy

Blue Steel (1990) - 1/5

This movie epitomizes the exasperation of characters doing stupid things. The main character keeps not giving her superiors the vital information that she knows, which would entirely clear up the situation, and which she wants to give them. The film provides no explanation at all but keeps repeating the killer’s inexplicable escape and the main character’s inexplicable silence again and again for the entire runtime.

Closest comparison: It’s like Halloween (1978) by way of Fallen (1998).

Setting: Police Procedural
Plot: Homicide
Tone: Stalker

The French Connection (1971) - 4/5

This is a long, slow stake out movie that opts for realism over thrills. It’s a much more palatable entry to the Unhinged Cop genre than most, choosing to making its point more with racial slurs and questionable shakedowns instead of with rape and addiction. There are more stakeouts than chases, more chases than gunfights, and its own ‘70s realism style to tie it all together. The ending leaves something to be desired, but overall it holds up very well.

Closest comparison: It’s like Training Day by way of Taxi Driver.

Setting: Crime
Plot: Buddy Cop
Tone: Crime

Colossal (2016) - 2/5

This movie has a solid pulp sci-fi setup that doesn’t know where to go with the premise. It pretends to be about abusive relationships but has very muddled messaging that wrecks the landing. Characters do dumb, out-of-character things apparently to pad the runtime, and the resolution doesn’t make up for the annoyance along the way.

Closest comparison: It’s like the small-town self-reflection of The Majestic combined with the one-note indie sci-fi of Primer.

Setting: Small Town Drama
Plot: Short Story Sci-Fi
Tone: Relationship Drama

Batman: Hush (2019) - 2/5

This movie boasts a better story than it can deliver. Most of the Batman villain A-list villains are in the movie, but only two or three have any impact on the plot. The plot is more like a soap opera than a super hero movie, and it attempts to tantalize without following through with any substance. The final reveal is lackluster and less interesting than no reveal at all.

Closest comparison: It’s like Suicide Squad (2016) by way of Batman: Bad Blood.

Setting: Neo Noir
Plot: Detective
Tone: Super Hero

Skylines (2020) - 2/5

This movie is a modern B-movie that does a lot with a little. In several places the acting is actually pretty good, and the practical effects on many of the aliens often works well. Some of the action scenes, though highly derivative, are surprisingly fun. That being said, it unfortunately doesn’t amount to more than the sum of its parts and the flaws intercut with the gems bring the whole movie down together.

Closest comparison: It’s like a B-movie cross between Independence Day and District 9.

Setting: Sci-Fi
Plot: Action
Tone: Action

The Hitman's Bodyguard - 2/5

This movie is a stale action escort quest with nothing interesting to offer. Reynolds is the only one playing against type, this time taking the brunt of the jokes he’s usually dishing out. The humor is all acerbic, irreverent mocking which quickly becomes tiresome, though if that’s your brand of humor you will like this movie more than I did. The action is standard low-grade fare, offering fun at the expense of believability.

Closest comparison: It’s like A Good Day to Die Hard by way of Mission: Impossible II.

Setting: Action
Plot: Road Trip
Tone: Comedy

Three Amigos! - 3/5

This movie uses primarily the comedy framework of an awkward situation that goes on so long that it becomes funny, so comedy mileage may vary among audience members. That being said, the antics of Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, and Martin Short are on point and the trio of SNL veterans are having a blast hamming it up. It’s a classic for its comedy, not its depth.

Closest comparison: It’s like a cross between The Magnificent Seven and Galaxy Quest.

Setting: Western
Plot: Fish out of Water
Tone: Screwball Comedy

Toy Soldiers (1991) - 3/5

This movie is a stock ‘80s/’90s action flick disguised as a college comedy. For better or for worse it seems to be trying for a “Die Hard at a Boarding School” byline, though despite it being set in a boarding school everyone seems to be pulling mostly college-type shenanigans.

Content advisory: phone sex

Closest comparison: It’s like Run, Hide, Fight by way of Icebreaker (2000).

Setting: College Comedy
Plot: Hostage
Tone: Adventure

Red Notice (Netflix) - 4/5

This movie is a fun action romp, that nicely wraps up in the end the questions it raises along the way (with a few minor exceptions). It’s charmingly garish and seems to be having fun making standard action tropes look good. The three veteran action leads are effortlessly charismatic and play the whole film with a smirk and a wink.

Closest comparison: It’s like Mission: Impossible by way of Hobbs and Shaw.

Setting: Action
Plot: Espionage
Tone: Adventure

Thief (1981) - 3/5

This movie is an extensive character drama, much more about the life and times of the man than the thieving he does. The few on-screen heists are shown quickly and efficiently so the story can get back to the main thrust of the narrative. The film has Michael Mann’s signature deep characters, and his direction keeps it not as sleazy as its setting and not as boring as its crime drama plot.

Closest comparison: It’s like Heist (2001) by way of Heat (1995).

Setting: Heist
Plot: Drama
Tone: Crime

Hard Eight - 3/5

This movie is a gambler drama, more focused on the family-style dynamics and hotel room banter than the actual gambling. It uses the sleazy underbelly of the casino nightlife as the backdrop for its plot, but for the most part eschews it onscreen. John C. Reilly and Philip Baker Hall absolutely carry the film, with Gwyneth Paltrow and Sam Jackson giving solid performances as well. Dialogue and character study are the main draws here, and the story wraps up in a nice, solid ending.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Gambler by way of Punch Drunk Love.

Setting: Casino Drama
Plot: Crime Drama
Tone: Family Drama

Only Murders in the Building (Season 1, Hulu) - 3/5

This show is a fun, modern take on the cozy mystery genre. It takes its time and dwells more on the interpersonal drama than on the actual mystery, which will be engaging for some viewers and off-putting for others. The characters are quirky, as if they were designed to be so. But it’s a fun murder mystery with lots of fun twists and turns in the plot, and enough character motivation to keep the story trundling along. While it isn’t the ultimate mystery, the payoff is better than it needed to be.

Closest comparison: It’s like an early Poirot with the modernism of Knives Out.

Setting: Murder Mystery
Plot: Detective
Tone: Bumbling Comedy

Venom: Let There Be Carnage - 2/5

This movie is similar to its predecessor, but with a darker, true crime vibe. Half of the runtime is dedicated to tracking down a serial killer’s past, which will be more engaging for some audience members than others. The fight scenes are fine in theory but are destroyed by shaky cam, which is especially bad given that it’s basically all CGI. But the movie really goes off the rails in the final battle, where the plot comes together just to fall apart.

Closest comparison: It’s like Venom (2018) with a dash of Se7en.

Setting: Super Hero
Plot: Super hero
Tone: True Crime