Encanto - 1/5

This movie is truly ‘woke’, in that it has fallen asleep and has nothing good to say. Its worldbuilding is extremely lacking, much more what we’ve come to expect from Disney animation studios rather than Pixar’s exceptional record. The songs are immediately forgettable, and although the art direction is colorful it’s mostly uninspired. The magical powers are a mixed bag of standard, interesting, and bafflingly ill-conceived. The movie pays lip-service to the idea of helping the community but predictably plays out in oblivious narcissism.

Closest comparison: It’s the over-the-top feminist Disney/pixar movie.

Setting: Family Drama
Plot: Super Hero
Tone: Family Comedy

The Suicide Squad (2021) - 4/5

This movie is a tour de force rebuttal to its previous installment. It’s a colorful, blood-spattered comedy corral, with a plot that actually works and consistent stakes. It retreads some story beats from the first installment but improves them just to flex. It takes bizarre situations and obscure characters, then injects them with pathos and treats them with more care than the rest of these non-MCU superhero cash-grabs.

Content warning: Gore

Closest comparison: It’s like Guardians of the Galaxy by way of Deadpool.

Setting: Military
Plot: Super Hero
Tone: Dark Comedy

Suicide Squad (2016) - 2/5

This movie has an infamously bad reputation, but it’s not entirely warranted. The premise is great and in a few choice parts the execution is as well. But there are just so many bafflingly terrible plot, character, and directoral decisions that it bring down the good parts, making them fewer and further between as the movie goes on.

Closest comparison: It’s like Army of the Dead (2021) by way of Justice League (2017).

Setting: Disaster Action
Plot: Super Hero
Tone: Action Comedy

The King's Man (2021) - 1/5

This movie has some gorgeous visuals and solid fight choreography, but the message is so aggressively detestable and pushed so continually that it makes the entire film vomit-inducingly unwatchable. It goes on and on about how terrible it is to lay down one’s life for family, friends, and country, making a big deal about how foolish and counterproductive everyone in the military is. The movie seems to think it’s terribly clever for making every capable, forthright character a woman and every man a sniveling, useless imbecile (except for the one black man of course). It’s so far up it’s own ass it could swallow itself twice, and seems completely unaware of its internal circular logic.

Closest comparison: It’s like Downton Abbey by way of Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, with a bit of 1917 thrown in.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Espionage
Tone: Action Comedy

The Matrix Resurrections - 1/5

This movie would be hillariously bad if it weren’t so boring. It makes incessant references to the previous films, calls them out, and goes nowhere with them beyond surface-level nostalgic fan service. Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss are fine doing their standard routine, but Jessica Henwick and Neil Patrick Harris bust out great performances for what they’re worth. The messaging is very muddled, and usually shakes out to mean the opposite of what it is meant to. The action is downright pitiful, all close-up shaky-cam nonsense with no sense of who is doing what or even what the stakes are most of the time; it’s easily the worst action I’ve seen all year.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Matrix: Reloaded by way of Jupiter Ascending.

Setting: Sci-Fi
Plot: Hidden World
Tone: Coffee Shop Drama

Spider-Man: No Way Home - 4/5

This movie is attempting to be a love-letter to Spider-Man fans and MCU fans alike, and in many ways it succeeds. There’s much better character development here than in the previous two Spider-Man movies, and the main cast rises to the challenge with superb acting. The fight scenes are much better than Far From Home, both in conception and execution. That being said, the first half hour is pretty painful in its attempts at humor and there are a few throw-away lines that are cringey attempts at being ‘woke’. At this point in the MCU every film is carrying a lot of baggage, and how this one hits any given audience member will only vary more and more, this film very much included.

Closest comparison: It’s like Spider-Man: Far From Home by way of Doctor Strange (2016).

Setting: Super Hero
Plot: Sci-Fi
Tone: Comedy

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings - 3/5

This movie is more interesting with regard to what it introduces to the MCU than it is interesting in its own right. The action choreography is excellent and Simu Liu is outstanding as Shang-Chi, but the cinematography is so shaky that it’s difficult to tell what’s going on most of the time. Most of the runtime isn’t action or Marvel worldbuilding, but slow inter-personal family drama that far overstays its welcome. Still, there’s plenty of colorful forgettable fun to be had for the whole family, though kids may doze off in the middle.

Closest comparison: It’s like Venom (2018)

Setting: Modern Myth
Plot: Hidden World
Tone: Super Hero

Gattaca - 3/5

This movie is a docutopian thriller, where humanity has legislated and scientifically classified itself into a moral corner. It feels like an Ethan Hawke film, sufficiently art-house and comparable in some regards to Predestination. The plot is more moralistic than it is fun, and the film’s message is apparent very early on with little added beyond the requisite conclusion to those threads. Dystopian sci-fi enthusiasts should definitely check this one out.

Closest comparison: It’s like the bureaucracy of Brazil with the clean futurism of Paycheck. Or, to put it another way, it’s like October Sky by way of Predestination.

Setting: Sci-Fi Drama
Plot: Espionage
Tone: Thriller

Maximum Risk - 2/5

This is a stock ‘90s action flick with lower than average intelligence. The action is decent but everything else, from the acting to the cinematography, brings down the average considerably.

Content warning: female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like Who Am I? (1998) by way of Bloodsport.

Setting: Action
Plot: Action
Tone: Action

The Sons of Katie Elder - 4/5

This movie is an excellent Western that stands on its own feet, without the rape-revenge or one-lone-hero tropes to fall back on. Discovering who Katie Elder is along with her sons is an engaging plot and propels the story well through to the end, providing a solid backdrop for the meaty character drama. This film has several good shootouts, as any good Western should, but it’s got much more going on. If you’re not particularly familiar with the Western genre, this is a very approachable place to start.

Closest comparison: It’s like Stagecoach by way of Shane.

Setting: Western
Plot: Detective
Tone: Family Drama

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial - 2/5

This movie is mostly well made, but the story is so grim that it clashes with the rest of the film’s production. It’s tense and unnerving to begin with, and eventually becomes downright upsetting. It was marketed to kids and I know a lot of people have fond memories of this film, but I was unable to find many redeeming qualities here. The special effects are excellent.

Closest comparison: It’s like Close Encounters of the Third Kind by way of The Goonies.

Setting: Teen Adventure
Plot: Sci-Fi Adventure
Tone: Horror/Thriller

Scarlet Street - 3/5

This movie is a solid noir, though more of a drama than a thriller like many of its contemporaries. It exchanges much of the standard sordid noir material for a tragic scam gone awry. The main characters are more sympathetic than good, and it ultimately amounts more to a cautionary tale than thriller or adventure.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Woman in the Window by way of Detour.

Setting: Drama
Plot: Mistaken Identity
Tone: Noir

Breakdown (1997) - 4/5

This movie is a tentpole entry in the kidnapping genre. The three lead actors are superb as average people, adding to the gravitas of the suspense. The twists and turns of the suspenseful plot make for white-knuckle, arid tension from about 10 minutes in until the end. It’s not as harrowing of an ordeal as many other entries in this genre, but it’s going to be more than enough stress for most viewers.

Closest comparison: It’s like In the Blood (2014) by way of Cape Fear.

Setting: Road Trip
Plot: Kidnapping
Tone: Thriller

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas - 2/5

This movie has a neat theme, but everyone involved is giving mediocre effort. Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta-Jones are phoning it in, and poorly cast for their animation and character concepts. The blend of traditional animation and CGI works a few times, but mostly looks jarringly out of place. It’s not funny or meaningful enough to stick around.

Closest comparison: It’s like Atlantis by way of Prince of Egypt.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Action
Tone: Family

Dark Angel (1990) - 3/5

This is a good idea for a movie wrapped in a B-movie production. It’s full of ‘80s sci-fi camp, low-budget special effects, and Dolf Lundgren-level of acting. For all that, it’s still got a solid story that never gets bogged down by the production flaws. It’s easily one of the best Lundgren films of the era and worth checking out if you like hidden ‘80s sci-fi gems.

Content warning: female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like Sicario by way of The Terminator (1984) with the production values of Masters of the Universe (1987).

Setting: Detective
Plot: Thriller
Tone: Action

Henry V (1989) - 4/5

This is the definitive version of Shakespeare’s play, brought to life by the inimitable Kenneth Branagh. If you already like The Bard you’ll love it, but even those unfamiliar with his works may find themselves enjoying the antiquated dialogue and some historical aspects of the plot. Then ending, though, features an abrupt change of tone which is a strange directoral choice.

Closest comparison: It’s Shakespeare by Kenneth Branagh. What more do you want?

Setting: War
Plot: Political
Tone: Stage Play

Funny Face (1957) - 3/5

This is a silly screwball comedy musical that never takes itself too seriously. The leading man and woman have an uncomfortably large gap in their ages, which will be more annoying for some viewers than others. There is a subplot about “Empathicalism” that is overall pretty muddled but does provide a hilarious scene absolutely destroying the notion, although the movie doesn’t seem to remember it. If you’re not partial to musicals as such you can skip this one without a second thought.

Closest comparison: It’s like Roman Holiday by way of Singin’ In The Rain.

Setting: Musical
Plot: RomCom
Tone: Screwball Comedy

The Social Network - 4/5

This is a fairly straightforward telling of the Facebook founder’s story, that is apparently vaguely accurate. David Fincher is a master class unto himself on how to make boring things interesting.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Founder by way of American Animals.

Setting: Coming of Age
Plot: Docudrama
Tone: Drama

Dune: Part One (2021) - 5/5

This movie is a paragon of adaptation, sticking incredibly closely to the source material and making only the changes necessary to deliver the same emotional beats on the big screen. It is the masterpiece Denis Villeneuve was born to film, making his previous work look like practice by comparison. The few parts I didn’t like or made me uncomfortable were taken directly from the book, which made me feel the same way reading them and instead of being drawbacks only serve to make the film a better adaptation. And it manages to convey convoluted political intrigue with ease, due in no small part to the outstanding acting, which is second only perhaps to the cinematography.

Closest comparison: It’s like Blade Runner by way of Ad Astra.

Setting: Sci-Fi
Plot: Political Intrigue
Tone: Arthouse Drama

Black Widow - 2/5

This movie could have been so much better than it is. Taskmaster is completely wasted as a villain, never getting the choreography and cinematography to showcase the fighting skills that make the character unique. Florence Pugh is easily the best part of this movie, and while that’s great and I would gladly see a Marvel movie starring her as Yelena, it overshadows Scarlett Johansson’s erstwhile time in the sun, though this is also Scarlett’s weakest performance as Black Widow. The script also keeps trying to redeem characters without earning the turn-around, and it sours the overall story.

Closest comparison: It’s like Close (2019) by way of X-Men: The Last Stand.

Setting: Espionage
Plot: Super Hero
Tone: Action