Tenet - 4/5

This movie is bonkers. It’s very good, but it has its flaws as well. Some of the dialog is difficult to understand and the film moves at a breakneck pace which leaves the audience and characters trying to keep up. Mostly you’re just going to have to accept what you’re seeing and analyze it on a second viewing, but surprisingly the movie doesn’t suffer for that and instead uses it to its advantage. If you’re willing to go along for the ride, it’s a fantastic film, and pairs with Memento as Nolan’s most daring and avant-garde films. This movie is intense and may be hard to wrap your mind around at first.

Closest comparison: It’s like Memento by way of Inception, wrapped in a cold war thriller.

Setting: Cold War Thriller / Romantic Drama / Sci-Fi War
Plot: Heist / Sci-Fi Action / Romantic Thriller
Tone: Pop Action / Slick Thriller / Romantic Tragedy

The Irishman (Netflix, 2019) - 2/5

This is a three and a half hour long film that any competent director could have made in one third the time without leaving anything out. It is painfully slow and insistently pointless, and the plot reads like a first draft run-on sentence, though the acting is fine, with Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci doing pretty well, but still just looking like the weathered statues of gangsters standing out in the rain, which does nothing for the story or the dryness with which it is told, where the editing could have been very helpful but instead actively inhibits the storytelling, and the extensive use of excellent CGI to de-age the main cast 20-30 years makes them look like they’re in their late 60’s playing characters in their 30’s, and the editing isn’t bad enough to be funny but isn’t good enough to be poor, although Scorsese has an eye for framing and set design that makes the images pop the scenes are ultimately still a very poor level of cinematography because of the still camera and boring staging, and in a movie about gangsters there’s no reason to have over three hours of the run time dedicated to meaningless interpersonal politics that don’t really go anywhere and never amount to anything more than ‘this guy doesn’t like that guy for no good reason’, but doesn’t even have the decency to end once the plot has been resolved but drones on and on and on and on until finally.

Closest comparison: It’s like a less interesting Casino (1995) with the pacing of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Setting: Political Drama
Plot: Gangster
Tone: Drama Epic

Hell or High Water (2016) - 3/5

This is a straightforward cops and robbers tale in rural modern Texas. It’s good at showing why the robbers are robbing, and how the cops are pursuing, but beyond that it’s a bit boring. It’s not as compelling and tense as No Country for Old Men, nor as gleefully anarchist as Thelma and Louise or Bonnie and Clyde. Mostly it plays out as expected, and while it’s not bad by any means it doesn’t present anything particularly special.

Closest comparison: It’s like What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? by way of The Highwaymen (Netflix, 2019).

Setting: Western Drama
Plot: Cops and Robbers
Tone: Family Drama

The Umbrella Academy (Netflix, Season 2) - 1/5

This season is an unmitigated disaster. The first several episodes are great and set the show up with a lot of potential; unfortunately, the rest of the episodes just get dumber and dumber. Where the first season explained why the main characters made their bad decisions, here all of the main characters make bad decisions randomly, often directly contradicting previously established character traits with no explanation. By the middle of the season everything becomes drama for drama’s sake, dumb for tension’s sake, and needlessly obtuse. By the final few episodes the show drops all pretense of internal consistency, destroying all of the beautiful potential and adding layers upon layers of insult to injury. It’s not worth watching for anyone, especially fans of the show.

Closest comparison: It’s like Heroes Season 2, but so much worse.

Setting: Super Hero
Plot: Adventure
Tone: Family Drama

The Jigsaw Man (1983) - 2/5

This is a cold war thriller whose primary sin is being boring, which is a death knell to the genre. The plot is basically fine, a standard cold war espionage story, and the acting is fine, standard British fare of the era. There isn’t anything special about it, and I may have been unfortunate to recently review Funeral in Berlin but there’s nothing here that Funeral in Berlin didn’t do better.

Closest comparison: It’s like Face/Off made by the BBC.

Setting: Political Thriller
Plot: Political Thriller
Tone: Drama

Okja (Netflix) - 1/5

This film is a disgusting propaganda piece with excellent production values. It launches an avalanche of buzzword premises that are arguable at best, and then draws exclusively a priori conclusions. None of the protagonists are particularly likable and the antagonists are over-the-top caricatures of imaginary villains. There’s no substance to this movie beyond its overt political statements and those are thoroughly invalid at every level of analysis. Also the special effects are quite good.

Closest comparison: It’s like Mighty Joe Young by way of Meet Your Meat.

Setting: Jet Set Action
Plot: Rescue Adventure
Tone: Tragedy

Die Hard with a Vengeance - 4/5

This movie is a return to form, almost as enjoyable as the first one for the same reasons, without feeling trite and formulaic. The villain is back to being an criminal mastermind and the hero is relegated back to underdog status, the dynamic that sets the franchise apart in the action genre. The side characters are back to being likable and interesting, making for a fun action romp with just enough mystery to keep it interesting. It redeems the franchise from its predecessor and ends the original trilogy in high form.

Closest comparison: It’s like a cross between The Last Boyscout and Inside Man.

Setting: Buddy Cop
Plot: Thriller
Tone: Action

Die Hard 2 - 3/5

This movie suffers hard from sequelitis. Despite having several similar scenes, and even commenting on the repetition in the dialog, it is unlike the first Die Hard is all the important respects. The characters are shallow and forgettable, the interpersonal drama is forced, and the plot seems to know where it’s going before the characters do. The only good part is the action, which is executed quite well despite its contrivances. For all its faults it manages to avoid making any aspect too bad and lets the action ride out the runtime, which the film seems to know is why we’re all watching in the first place.

Closest Comparison: It’s like The Rock by way of Snakes on a Plane.

Setting: Action
Plot: Action
Tone: Action

Die Hard (1988) - 5/5

What can I say about this quintessential action movie? The action takes a back seat to the plot, only presenting itself when relevant. The characters are vibrant and engaging but not overbearing enough to bog down the narrative flow. It’s fun and funny without undercutting the tension, it’s believable enough to pass muster without relying on needlessly boring realism as a countermeasure. It’s a classic for a reason.

Closest comparison: It’s somewhere between Commando and John Wick.

Setting: Action
Plot: Action
Tone: Action

Over the Garden Wall - 5/5

This is easily one of the greatest works of animation bar none, and an obvious 5/5. The music is beautifully melancholy, sometimes funny sometimes sombre in perfect step with the winding tone of the narrative. It’s firing on so many cylinders that the audience can thoroughly enjoy it at any level of analysis, from the funny jokes to the deeper themes to the meta analysis of the use of overarching structure for tension and payoff. This is an unparalleled masterpiece from start to finish and a must watch for anyone who likes a little spookiness in their stories.

Closest comparison: It’s like a cross between Nightmare Before Christmas and Adventure Time, but with an order of magnitude more depth.

Setting: Folk Tale
Plot: Wandering Adventure
Tone: Spooky Comedy

Akira (1988) - 4/5

This is a touchpoint sci-fi film. It’s the kind of movie you see references to everywhere, but the movie itself is more simple than its reputation would indicate. It takes its time establishing the world and cyberpunk elements before getting into the heart of the government conspiracy and psychic powers main plot. But it’s hard to go wrong with well-made 80’s cyberpunk, especially when it’s not as interested in being weird or gritty as it is in telling an engaging story.

Content warning: brief female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like an anime version of a hybrid between Castle in the Sky and Blade Runner.

Setting: Cyberpunk Sci-Fi
Plot: Government Thriller
Tone: Cyberpunk Sci-Fi

Palm Springs - 4/5

This is an impressively well-conceived iteration on the Groundhog Day formula by combining it with a twist on the sex comedy genre. There are the predictable sexual scenarios, cranked up to eleven by virtue of the era in which it was created, but it quickly turns philosophical about long-term relationships. Instead of getting long-winded and heady, the film addresses all its points practically in subtext that doesn’t disrupt the flow of the comedy antics.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Hangover by way of Groundhog Day.

Setting: Family Drama
Plot: Time Loop
Tone: Sex Comedy

Where Eagles Dare - 4/5

This movie is one of the most understated action movies of the last century. Most of the film isn’t action, but a long cat-and-mouse buildup to lay the groundwork for the action-packed finale. It’s a multi-layered plot and plays its cards close to the chest, cueing the audience in that there’s more going on but not explaining what exactly until the end. It’s an incredibly solid WWII stealth action film and is a must-watch for fans of the genre.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Guns of Navarone by way of The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly.

Setting: WWII Action
Plot: Infiltration
Tone: Drama / Action

Time Trap (2017) - 3/5

This movie is fine. It’s a low budget high concept sci-fi story that’s executed pretty well. There’s less sci-fi than one might expect, and where a sci-fi-heavy movie will explain the science behind the incredible occurrences, Time Trap settles for exploration of the phenomenon without solid answers. It’s a fun rescue adventure movie that doesn’t presume to be anything more and doesn’t outstay its welcome.

Closest comparison: It’s like Parallels (2015) by way of The Cave (2005).

Setting: Exploration
Plot: Rescue
Tone: Sci-Fi Adventure

Artemis Fowl - 1/5

Nothing about this movie makes sense. Multiple times it goes out of its way to make sure the audience understands something, then has the opposite happen as if it were a payoff. The acting is very bad, with the notable exceptions of Josh Gad and Colin Farrell who are doing the best they can with what they’re given. The only consistently good thing about the movie is the set design, which is ruined by terribly choppy editing. There’s nothing to like about this movie, whether you’re a fan of the book series or not.

Closest comparison: It’s like Spy Kids by way of The Last Airbender (2010).

Setting: Hidden World
Plot: Ransom
Tone: Kids Adventure

Funeral in Berlin - 3/5

This movie is a lighthearted approach to the cold war spy genre that maintains a sense of humor through all the chicanery and multi-cross goings-on. It’s competently made and a refreshing return to the cold war defector assistance plots that have become less relevant after 1989, but whose stories are still compelling in their own right. It’s interesting enough to keep the audience’s attention but it’s also shallow enough to quickly become forgettable.

Closest comparison: It’s like Munich (2005) by way of The Italian Job (1969)

Setting: Spy
Plot: Thriller
Tone: Dry Comedy

Mystery Men - 3/5

This is one of those strange sleeper films that was too zany for audiences at the time but has gathered a strong cult following over the years. The humor is a screwball satire of dry comedy, an acquired taste to say the least. The superhero genre has exploded in the two decades since this movie came out and since its story is not an irreverent deconstruction of the genre but an underdog riff that embraces it, it’s only become more relevant over time. On the other hand, its low-fidelity special effects and distinctly ‘90s directorial style have kept it firmly planted in the past, making it both ahead of its time and stuck in the past. It’s an oddball that equal parts great and weird.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Boys (2019) by way of Zoolander.

Setting: Cyberpunk
Plot: Super Hero
Tone: Dumb Comedy

Delirium (movie, 2018) - 3/5

The basic idea behind this movie is what happens if someone is on house arrest in a haunted house. Those familiar with other Blumhouse productions will not be surprised to find it does a lot with a low budget. Topher Grace is great as the main character questioning his sanity and the script is smart enough to make him forthright, a trait lesser films eschew just to drive the plot. A few movie clichés at important story points bring down the rest of the film, which could have been great but ends up being only pretty good.

Closest comparison: It’s like Saw by way of The Haunting of Hill House.

Setting: Haunted House
Plot: Psychological Thriller
Tone: Horror

Parasite (2019) - 5/5

This is an outstanding film with lots of fascinating subtlety. The cinematography is not only gorgeous but also conveys more about the characters. It has a great musical score that emphasizes the underlying themes and deftly ramps up a creeping sense of dread. The film seems less interested in making a socio-economic statement than it is with crafting a tight thriller that captures audience attention from start to finish.

Closest comparison: It’s the infiltration of The Departed (2006) in the guise of High and Low (1963).

Setting: Family Drama
Plot: Infiltration Heist
Tone: Thriller

Isle of Dogs (2018) - 4/5

This movie is predictably funny, sweet, quirky, and occasionally a bit harsh in the signature style of Wes Anderson. It’s an evolution of The Fantastic Mr. Fox visually, but the story is more classic rescue adventure fodder with some fantasy and sci-fi elements thrown in. Its quirkiness will impact audiences differently, but where Darjeeling Limited and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou had the quirkiness on full display Isle of Dogs relegates it more to the deeper levels of story and narrative structure.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Fantastic Mr. Fox with a more grounded story.

Setting: Near Future Sci-Fi
Plot: Adventure
Tone: Quirky