Tango & Cash - 3/5

This is a pretty standard buddy cop movie of its era. The plot is as fun and outlandish, the action scenes as over-the-top, and the dialogue as too-perfectly-quippy as you might expect. There’s more sexuality than most of its contemporaries, which may explain its relative obscurity, but the rest of the film is solid action fare.

Content warning: female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like Lethal Weapon with Sylvester Stalone and Kurt Russell.

Setting: Buddy Cop
Plot: Exoneration
Tone: Buddy Comedy

Beat the Devil (1953) - 3/5

This movie is not quite funny enough to justify the detour, but if it’s your brand of comedy of course you’ll get more mileage for your money. The story is darkly whimsical, the double infidelity subplot played for a laugh rather than impact, and all the backstabbing from the protagonist crew is more of a punchline than a plot point. Unfortunately, the film’s tone never seems to understand it’s a comedy.

Closest comparison: It’s like a cross between The Holiday and Treasure of the Sierra Madre.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Crime
Tone: Comedy

Key Largo - 3/5

This movie is a stock Noir genre title, not great and not terrible. The tension, story, and even delivery are all uninspired. Even bankable stars like Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Becall, and Edward G. Robinson are phoning it in.

Closest comparison: It’s like a much tamer Funny Games by way of To Have and Have Not.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Thriller
Tone: Thriller

The Terminal List (Amazon Prime) - 4/5

This show is excellent over all, but the wrap-up was only decently executed and went by too quickly. Antoine Fuqua brings his strengths to the plot, keeping the audience guessing about the true nature of everything and who the true reliable narrator of events is. It paints a vivid picture of the complicated nature of geopolitical conflicts while keeping the story relatively small and grounded. This has many of the hallmarks of a ‘90s action thriller, but the uncertain nature of the narrative and some questionable revenge behavior from the protagonist make it a much more modern story. Being mostly known for his manchild comedy antics, this is a drastic change of pace for him and a standout performance in his career.

Content warning: language, one scene of gore

Closest comparison: It’s like a Tom Clancy book by way of Training Day.

Setting: Military
Plot: Revenge
Tone: Espionage

All the President's Men (1976) - 2/5

This is a very boring docudrama about reporters and the Watergate scandal. The pacing is impressively bad, so much so that it’s ubiquitously unclear what key persons of interest mean to the investigation at large, and the goalposts keep moving without resolution. The film seems to think it’s a thriller but has no teeth, even including one confusing jumpscare with nobody there in an empty parking garage. Presumably it may make more sense to someone know knows the subject matter very well, but that philosophy is antithetical to the fundamental concept of filmmaking.

Content warning: language

Closest comparison: It’s like Kill The Messenger by way of ‘Good Night and Good Luck’.

Setting: Journalism
Plot: Investigation
Tone: Drama

Soldier (1998) - 3/5

This movie has more military setpieces than action scenes, preferring the fighter-turned-lover narrative over stock spectacle, and it works pretty well. Kurt Russell brings the perfect combination of badass and pathos to the role, and the story doesn’t get in its own way or overcomplicate things.

Closest comparison: It’s like Unchained by way of Enemy Mine.

Setting: Sci-fi
Plot: Redemption
Tone: Action

Batman: The Long Halloween - 3/5

This movie takes its time to allow Batman to do his sleuthing, something a lot of other Batman movies gloss over, but it somehow manages to squeeze in plenty of classic villains and action along the way. The film is split into two parts, and there’s a jarring jump between the two, although the plot recovers pretty quickly afterward. Still, it ends up dragging on a bit too long and many of the twists and turns that take up a sizeable chunk of the runtime don’t end up mattering when all is said and done.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Batman (2022) by way of Batman: Hush (2019).

Setting: Noir
Plot: Mystery
Tone: Super hero

No Sudden Move - 4/5

This movie is a great back-and-forth thriller, full of backstabs and turnarounds to keep the audience guessing. It has excellent production value, as is at this point expected of Steven Soderbergh, and the acting and script do not disappoint.

Closest comparison: It’s like Jackie Brown mixed with Mad Men and Uncut Gems.

Setting: Gangster
Plot: Crime
Tone: Thriller

Nobody (2021) - 4/5

This movie is superficially a retread of the John Wick formula, but has enough going for it that it stands on its own. There’s a strong establishment of character and motive distinct from other films like John Wick and A History of Violence that it’s fun to watch both for different reasons. This film is more grounded and less stylized than John Wick, and plays the patient man’s violent breakout with more of a knowing wink to the audience. It’s a fun movie that knows it’s fun and doesn’t unnecessarily overcomplicate things.

Closest comparison: It’s like John Wick meets Home Alone.

Setting: Action
Plot: Action
Tone: Action

The Red Shoes (1948) - 4/5

This movie is equal parts showbiz romaticism and compelling cautionary tale. While films about showbusiness always have a level of metacommentary, here the play being performed also matches the characters performing it. The story is gripping enough to satisfy most audiences, while the allegory playing out in the metanarrative is consistent enough to satisfy pedantic critics. Even though the story is about ballet you don’t have to care about ballet to enjoy it, although if you hate ballet you’re out of luck here.

Closest comparison: It’s like Birdman by way of Virtigo, with a dash of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.

Setting: Showbiz
Plot: Showbiz
Tone: Drama

The Cincinnati Kid - 2/5

This movie is a character drama that starts off promising but loses the plot. It’s too pointless to be a classic, though the production values are there for it, and everyone’s acting chops are wasted on a washout script.

Closest comparison: It’s like Rounders by way of The Graduate.

Setting: Gambling
Plot: Gambling
Tone: Drama

Stranger Things (Netflix, Season 4) - 4/5

This season leans heavily into disturbingly gory horror, so if that’s a turnoff for you don’t even try to watch it. That being said, the writing is miles better than the previous two seasons (though still not as good as season 1). There’s a much better presentation of consistent character motivation and exciting, compelling, understandable conflict to keep the audience engaged despite the unconscionably long episode lengths (the final episode is 2h40m long). The Joyce storyline is weaker than the rest but not too bad, and Max’s storyline is some of the best in the entire series.

Content warning: torture, many prolonged gory child deaths

Setting: Horror
Plot: Sci-fi
Tone: Splatter

The Fast and the Furious (1954) - 3/5

This movie is fine; quite dated in its style and effects, but mostly fine. The acting is stilted and the dialogue is a bit dry, but there’s a decent underlying story that’s mildly entertaining. It’s likely to be derided when compared to the 2001 film of the same name and because of its dated filmmaking sensibilities, but it’s not a terrible movie when considered on its own merits.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Petrified Forest by way of Detour (1945).

Setting: Action
Plot: Chase
Tone: Thriller

The Firm (1993) - 3/5

This movie is a pretty standard white collar Orwellian thriller. For the most part the paranoia and unease works well, but one of the sources of tension actually serves to undercut the stakes significantly which does this film no favors. The chase and entrapment scenes are equally exciting, and the ending wraps up most of what it needs to, although the final resolution leaves something to be desired.

Closest comparison: It’s like Enemy of the State by way of A Few Good Men.

Setting: RomCom
Plot: Thriller
Tone: Thriller

Top Gun: Maverick - 4/5

This movie outshines its predecessor in every way. The plot is solid with outstanding pacing and storytelling. Even the gratuitous shots of jets being jets, which was the main draw of the original, are cleaner shots with smoother tracking in more dynamic locations. It offers a compelling story behind the action façade by doing away with the notion that a sequel needs to be bigger and more bombastic, a lesson the industry sorely needs to learn. If you don’t remember much of the original don’t worry: this film reminds the audience of the important plot points as they become relevant.

Closest comparison: It’s like Top Gun by way of Stealth (2005).

Setting: War
Plot: Spec Ops
Tone: Action

Batman Ninja - 3/5

This movie starts with time travel and gets progressively over-the-top from scene to scene. Fans of Shonen anime will appreciate its revelry in the tropes of the genre translated to the Batman mythos. Fans of Batman what-if scenarios will enjoy the translation into recognizable archetypes. Everyone else will just be confused. But for its target audience it’s a lot of fun.

Closest comparison: It’s like One Punch Man by way of Dragonball Z, with a Batman skin on it.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Shonen Anime
Tone: Super Hero

Days of Thunder - 3/5

This is a solid racing movie, complete with all the requisite sports montages, lose-win sequences, and family drama that go along with that. Those who like stock car racing will be much more invested, of course, but general audiences will likely have a fun time, too.

Closest comparison: It’s like Ford v Ferrari by way of Top Gun.

Setting: Racing
Plot: Sports
Tone: Sports

Book of Boba Fett - 1/5

Nothing in this show works. Boba Fett is emasculated, the side characters are a joke, the action scenes are unwatchably inane, and the plot manages to both make no sense and also go nowhere. It’s hard to make a character as cool as Boba Fett look weak and incompetent but this show does it constantly. Don’t expect to understand what’s at stake or what the character motivations are, because they’re constantly being thrown out with no forethought or reasoning. No matter how much you like Star Wars or how little you like to use your brain while watching shows, this one will still have you scratching your head at some point.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Mandalorian, but worse.

Setting: Sci-Fi
Plot: Adventure
Tone: Fantasy

Old (2021) - 3/5

This movie is a high-concept sci-fi about what it means to live a fulfilling life, wrapped in uncomfortable psychological horror vestments, executed in a rough indie stage play aesthetic. Most people are going to be turned off by at least one of these elements. It manages to cram in an expansive itinerary of tragic life events, and dwells on them more than the cerebral sci-fi aficionados and armchair philosophers will be comfortable with. I’m not sure who this movie is for, but it’s just well-executed enough that whoever that is will probably enjoy it quite a bit.

Content warning: brief female nudity, infant death

Closest comparison: It’s like Life is Beautiful by way of Split.

Setting: Vacation Adventure
Plot: Cerebral Sci-Fi
Tone: Psychological Horror

Wrath of Man - 3/5

This movie is a solid revenge movie, with some caveats. Almost all of it is standard heist, crime, revenge movie fare, but one scene shows the aftermath of the raid of a child rape dungeon. Nothing sensitive is shown, but the implications of the furnishings combined with some extremely disturbing offscreen audio makes this movie a no-go for many who otherwise would enjoy the film. The rest of the movie is great, the kind of movie that would have cast Mel Gibson if it had been made in the ‘90s.

Content warning: child rape

Closest comparison: It’s like Heat by way of Ransom.

Setting: Heist
Plot: Revenge
Tone: Crime