Death on the Nile (2022) - 2/5

This movie is a mostly straightforward adaptation of the Agatha Christie murder mystery, with a few notable facets. Firstly, it has an order of magnitude better production value than the BBC Poirot series, although Kenneth Branagh pales in comparison to David Suchet. Secondly, the film injects an absurd amount of over-the-top sexuality in a few places, as well as a heavy application of obnoxious, senseless woke-isms across the side characters like sprinkling arsenic on tiramisu.

Closest comparison: It’s like Murder on the Orient Express (2017) with a bunch of nonsense shoehorned in.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Mystery
Tone: Mystery

Moon Knight - 4/5

This show is carried by the absolutely spellbinding performance from Oscar Isaac. The action is sparse but solid, and the archaeology is fun but about as historically accurate as Indiana Jones. There are a few places where the show cuts away from what promises to be a really cool action scene, only letting the audience see the aftermath which is unfortunate. It’s adventurous, but with deep, strong characterization for the main hero and villain. It’s a big step up in quality from the other Marvel and Star Wars shows Disney has created in the past several years.

Content warning: child abuse

Closest comparison: It’s like Deadpool by way of Daredevil.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Super Hero
Tone: Action

The Batman (2022) - 4/5

This movie is yet another reinvention of Batman, this time both more grounded and more gritty than Nolan’s trilogy. It chooses style over convention many times, which could have made the chase scenes hard to follow, for example, but the direction masterfully guides the audience to keep up with the action. Pattinson is good as Bruce Wayne but really shines as Batman, and the script focuses on the intimidatingly silent detective more than the super-human super-rich super-hero. The Riddler’s riddles aren’t sublime, but they’re more than good enough to carry keep the audience intrigued until the answers are revealed. This film’s primary sin is its length, clocking in at four minutes shy of three hours, when a deft editor could have trimmed it down by a solid half hour if he had been allowed to do so.

Closest comparison: It’s like Batman Begins by way of Joker (2019).

Setting: Crime
Plot: Detective
Tone: Thriller

What is a Woman? (2022) - 5/5

This is a surprisingly fair documentary about transgenderism that asks experts in a broad spectrum of areas from both sides of the issue about gender identity, and unabashedly allows them their honest answers. It’s hilariously funny at times, and harrowingly serious at others. Instead of the ‘gotcha’ journalism that the trailer teased, this documentary sincerely allows everyone interviewed to say their peace, which is practically unique among documentaries today.

Content warning: body mutilation

Closest comparison: It’s like Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, but with modern pacing and tone.

Setting: Documentary
Plot: Documentary
Tone: Documentary

Whiplash (2014) - 5/5

This movie is an intense exploration of the drive for perfectionism, both internal and external. It’s a tour-de-force of passionate acting, with an impeccable soundtrack that’s magnificent in its own right. This is not a long movie, but it packs a lot of dynamite into one neat package.

Content warning: language

Closest comparison: It sits at the intersection between Mr. Holland’s Opus and La La Land, with an intensity more akin to District 9.

Setting: College Drama
Plot: Sports Drama
Tone: Thriller

The King of Comedy (1982) - 4/5

This movie is one of the top films in the stalker genre and for good reason. It manages to be endearing and funny without detracting from the seriousness and depravity of its subject matter. In many ways this is the movie that Taxi Driver wanted to be, being much clearer about its characters’ motivations and more coherent overall.

Closest comparison: It’s like Joker (2019) by way of Taxi Driver.

Setting: Corporate Drama
Plot: Stalker Thriller
Tone: Awkward Dramedy

The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes - 1/5

This is one of the worst representations of Sherlock Holmes I’ve seen. The core duo’s characterizations are all over the place, more caricature than character. The idea behind the mystery is halfway decent, but the execution and resolution are pitiful. It’s also overly long; you could legitimately start this film at 33:20 and not miss anything.

Closest comparison: It’s like Scooby Doo under the guise of Sherlock Holmes.

Setting: Mystery
Plot: Detective
Tone: Mystery

Witness for the Prosecution (1957) - 4/5

This movie is a classic courtroom thriller with an excellent, cozy mystery style resolution. It’s clever and surprising in all the right ways, and the ending is Hitchcockian in its drama while being more Film Noir in its style. For period courtroom dramas you can’t do much better than this.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Mysterious Affair At Styles by way of Anatomy of a Murder.

Setting: Courtroom Drama
Plot: Cozy Mystery
Tone: Noir Thriller

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness - 3/5

This movie is conflicted. The first half is standard super hero fare, the second half tends more toward Sam Raimi-brand horror. The pacing is very flat, which robs the ending of some of its impact, but the fight scenes are creatively conceived and excellently executed. The character of America Chavez is mostly fine, but some of her trappings and backstory are downright leftist propaganda. The good parts of this movie are pretty great, but there’s enough that doesn’t work to bring the film movie down to mediocre.

Closest comparison: It’s like Doctor Strange (2016) by way of Evil Dead (2013).

Setting: Super Hero
Plot: Mentorship
Tone: Super Hero, then Horror

Rebel Without a Cause - 5/5

This is the type of movie that looks and feels like any number of its peers but surpasses them all. It’s a coming of age tale that replaces angst with practical existentialism and suspenseful dread. The characters are immensely practical and the script is a tour-de-force in showing dynamic, complex character motivations without making them shrouded and esoteric. It’s power is in its simplicity, which allows the depth to shine through.

Closest comparison: It’s like American Graffiti by way of In A Lonely Place.

Setting: High School Drama
Plot: Coming of Age
Tone: Thriller

Premium Rush - 3/5

This by-the-numbers chase movie has a unique theme, with enough heart and solid action chase sequences to keep it moving.

Closest comparison: It’s like Crank by way of The Fast and The Furious.

Setting: Action
Plot: Chase
Tone: Adventure

Solaris (1972) - 3/5

This movie is a pensive sci-fi arthouse piece from Russia in the ‘70s. Its glacial tempo is on pace with Meek’s Cutoff even more than Ad Astra. There’s about 40 minutes of movie here stretched out into 2h45m. And for all that, it offers no conclusions for the questions that it recognizes exist while being careful to not actually pose them. It’s more nebulous than it is confusing, and much like Blade Runner the mood is a much larger part of the story than the plot.

Closest comparison: It’s like Forbidden Planet by way of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Setting: Sci-Fi
Plot: Philosophy
Tone: Drama

Hondo (1953) - 3/5

This movie is a pretty standard Western, though tamer than most. It’s a fun time, baseline enjoyable, an adventure without being adventurous.

Closest comparison: It’s like Shane by way of Rio Bravo, both of which are better films.

Setting: Western
Plot: Western
Tone: Western

Ghosts of Mars - 2/5

This movie is a cheesy gorefest that takes itself way too seriously. The trifecta of bad acting, flimsy sets, and clumsy fight choreography are compounded by the choppy editing and bogus writing. None of the characters are likeable, the usual saving grace of the sci-fi B-movie, and they’re constantly doing things that go against their character motivations which is the original sin of script writing. The music is great and it the narrative is sitting on a solid premise, but there’s no saving this catastrophe of a movie.

Content warning: mild gore

Closest comparison: It’s trying to be Pandorum but it ends up closer to Battlefield Earth.

Setting: Sci-fi Action
Plot: Survival Horror
Tone: Pop Horror

Blackhat (2015) - 3/5

This movie is a down-to-earth hacker action movie. With Michael Mann’s attention to detail it gets right what most other hacker movies get wrong about the hacking, but it also makes for a drier film overall. The action is good, but not the driving force of the movie which instead opts for the taught feel of a political thriller. Its plot is more cookie-cutter than Mann’s usual detailed stories, and makes for more of a fun popcorn movie than his other thrillers.

Closest comparison: It’s like Mission: Impossible by way of Heat.

Setting: Espionage
Plot: Adventure
Tone: Thriller

Wayne's World - 3/5

This is a dumb comedy that knows exactly what it is and plays it for laughs with a long, knowing gaze at the audience. There’s no movie beyond the comedy, so don’t go looking for depth here. If this isn’t your style of comedy you’ll hate this movie, but for everyone else there are pretty some memorable moments.

Closest comparison: It’s like A Night at the Roxbury way of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

Setting: Music Industry
Plot: Zero to Hero
Tone: Dumb Comedy

Pandorum - 4/5

This is a stellar entry into the space horror genre, offering a slightly less satanic and gory option than Event Horizon. Its amnesia plot works better here than in most films, though it’s a bit of a plot contrivance for the story to unfold in a tense, satisfying way. There’s some violence and light gore, but the film quickly moves on instead of making it the focus like so many films in the genre. The special effects have held up over time, and it feels more like a high budget indie film than a low budget blockbuster.

Closest comparison: It’s like a mashup of Dead Space, Cube (1997), Titan A.E. and Pitch Black.

Setting: Space Sci-fi
Plot: Creature Horror
Tone: Action

Ernest goes to School - 2/5

This movie lives and dies on its ridiculous comedy antics. Everything about this movie is laser focused on hitting its target audience and as such succeeds at feeling like a ‘90s kids TV show with high production value. It’s not really my brand of humor, but if it’s yours you’ll love it.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Waterboy by way of Pee Wee’s Playhouse.

Setting: Back to School
Plot: Back to School
Tone: Screwball Comedy

Young Guns - 3/5

This movie is a fun western-style romp, complete with shootouts and its own ‘brat pack’-style protagonist gang. On paper it addresses the perils of sanctioned revenge, but in practice it glorifies the reckless adventure of it all. There’s the carelessness for human life that all westerns fall prey to, but it doesn’t dwell on it the way some do.

Closest comparison: It’s like Hang ‘Em High by way of The Quick and the Dead, with a soundtrack from Ladyhawke.

Setting: Western
Plot: Revenge
Tone: Adventure

Snatch (2000) - 5/5

This movie is crass, dark, crime comedy that is a glorious thing to behold. The script is tightly woven, interconnecting the plot lines with comedic aplomb. Everyone is chewing the scenery at the same time, rising to a hilarious crescendo, each beat right on cue. It’s the quintessential cockney crime comedy, and even after twenty years it hasn’t lost its bite.

Content warning: female nudity, language

Closest comparison: It has the narrative complexity of Crash (2004) crossed with the criminal underground of Shopping (1994).

Setting: Crime
Plot: Thriller
Tone: Dark Screwball Comedy