Ian McDiarmid

The Lost City of Z - 1/5

This is a beautiful, dreary wilderness exploration film that loses its way trying to obliquely shoehorn fake woke musings into an otherwise straightforward narrative. It’s a rainy slough that not only meanders aimlessly like a run-on sentence but ends without much of a resolution. In a more competent film this would seem audaciously presumptuous, but here it just feels like the writers forgot to write the story toward an ending. The only standout elements are the beautiful landscapes and Robert Pattinson’s acting, both of which are excellent and not enough to make the film worth watching.

Closest comparison: It’s like House of Sand and Fog by way of Apocalypse Now.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Exploration
Tone: Drama

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker - 2/5

This is the Donald Trump of movies; it immediately begins dismantling everything its predecessor did. At least a dozen of the biggest plot holes from the last movie get directly addressed, which is a noble attempt but ends up making for a choppy, uneven film. It’s crammed to the gills with about three movies worth of plot and the first third especially plays out almost like a montage. Visually it’s not as stunning as The Last Jedi and its plot meanders, only knowing where it doesn’t want to go. So there’s good news and bad news. The good news is it’s much better than Star Wars: The Last Jedi, the bad news is it’s still not very good.

Closest comparison: It’s like Dragonball Z by way of Indiana Jones.

Setting: Sci-Fi
Plot: Fantasy
Tone: Adventure