Dick Tracy (1990) - 1/5

This movie has an amazing style somewhere between Sin City and Edward Scissorhands, but it’s plot and execution is so wildly ill-advised that it’s surprising it got made. It serves as a warning to anyone attempting to make a film that purports to be for children in its intellectual property, style, and tone, but insists on including mistreatment and exploitation of women in a gritty gangster plot.

Content warning: female nudity

Closest comparison: It’s like The Maltese Falcon by way of Speed Racer (2008).

Setting: Noir
Plot: Detective
Tone: Adventure

Alan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold - 1/5

This is a high concept, low budget campfest that doesn’t have the wherewithal to pull it off. The plot is too weak to be interesting, the sets are almost as bad as the costumes. Even the lead actors don’t have the requisite on-screen chemistry to make it enjoyable. On paper, this movie is a bargain bin Indiana Jones, but in practice it’s a boring pablum that doesn’t even have the decency to be so bad that it’s funny.

Closest comparison: It’s like Indiana Jones made by The Asylum.

Setting: Adventure
Plot: Adventure
Tone: Adventure