The Goonies (1985) - 2/5

This is another one of those ‘80s kids-on-bikes movies, but this one doesn’t hold up well to its reputation. Most of the main characters are grating, the adventure is resolved mostly by luck, and the comedy is too looney tunes to compliment the otherwise straight-faced tone. Sloth is meant to be funny, but just comes across as making fun of the mentally handicapped, and the pirate captain’s name is a dick joke but always said without a hint of humor. We never even find out anything about the Goonies: what ‘Goonies’ means, which characters are Goonies, or why it seems to matter so much to them. The adventure parts are decently executed for the most part, but the rest of the movie is just mildly irritating.

Closest comparison: It’s like The Sandlot (1993) by way of Hudson Hawk.

Setting: Kids On Bikes
Plot: Adventure
Tone: Action Drama / Screwball Comedy